After 17 years of ministry among college students, I know they will change. The important question is who will these students become?

I think of two freshmen. Both had believing parents. Both grew up in church.

One understood Scripture thoroughly and could debate issues eloquently. College challenged his faith, but it held.

The other’s faith wavered, despite high moments with God in high school. In the end, he ran away from God.

Parents often ask, “What should I do to prepare my kids for college?”

Thinking of those two freshmen, as well as many other students I’ve mentored over the years, my answer is, invest in your relationship with them.

Frequently parents look solely for intellectual resources to help their students. Those resources are important and useful, of course.

However, over the years, I’ve seen a repeated pattern: Young people who have good relationships with believing parents are more likely to thrive spiritually after transitioning to college.

Who they know matters as much as what they know. More specifically, the character of their parents matters.

The Good Father

One helpful way to read the New Testament is to focus on how Jesus portrayed the character of our Father. The Parable of the Lost Son (or Prodigal Son) in Luke 15:11–32 offers a useful example.

Jesus told this parable with two groups of people in mind. On one hand were “tax collectors and sinners” (15:1). They were neither highly educated nor religiously devout, but they gathered around Jesus.

On the other hand were “the Pharisees and the teachers of the law” (verse 2). They were formally educated and religiously observant, but they criticized Jesus.

Jesus’ parable revealed that people can go prodigal in two ways. They can run away from a father publicly, as the younger son (tax collectors and sinners) did. Or they can reject a father’s values privately, as the older son (Pharisees and teachers) did.

Since this parable is really about God, what does Jesus reveal about our Heavenly Father’s character?

First, God is Father of an estranged family. Both His children are alienated from Him, though in different ways.

Second, our Heavenly Father reveals His character by leaving the door open for reconciliation. The turning point of the story occurs when the younger son reflected on his ruined life and repented. He returned home because the younger son knew he could expect mercy, not rejection.

The younger son received mercy from his father but not from his older brother, who was more like the Pharisees and teachers than God.

Parent-child relationships experience rough patches, including matters of faith. Parents need to ask themselves whether their character most resembles the father’s or older brother’s. The answer reflects the quality of their relationship.

The Faith-Parent Connection

In Growing With, researchers Kara Powell and Steve Argue summarize what social science says about the correlation between warm parent-child relationships and shared faith:

It seems that when a child feels close to a parent, they are more likely to follow in the faith footsteps of that parent. When a child feels distant from a parent, they tend to walk away not only from that parent but also from what is important to the parent, including faith.

Change is inevitable as students transition from teenagers to young adults, and the college years can 
be some of the most transformative.

Such relationships are built on trust. In Trust, Henry Cloud demonstrates that trustworthy people seek to understand you, communicate they are for you, exhibit competence and character in relating to you, and possess a track record of consistent behavior.

As pastors, how do we help parents and students build a trustworthy relationship with one another?

First, we need to emphasize that both sides play a role in the relationships. We should stress to parents that they must take the initiative, however.

Second, students need to know their parents love them, both through words and availability. Affection goes further for students than many parents imagine. Students feel safe around people who show them they care.

Third, parents need to make clear they will celebrate what God does and not dwell on what He doesn’t. Affection alone is not enough. Parents must express their deepest convictions too. Teenagers appreciate reasonable, biblical boundaries.

Fourth, students need to know they can always come home. In Jesus’ parable, the younger son believed his father would take him back, if not as a son, then at least as a servant. That was enough for him. If students have wandered away from the faith and relationship with their parents, do they know they will always be welcomed back fully?

Fifth, parents need to prioritize relationship over always being right. Powell and Argue place a consistent emphasis on parents growing with their children. If parents can’t admit fault when they are wrong, they deter students from doing the same.

In other words, students follow their parents’ example, for good and bad.

As pastors, we minister to parents and teens preparing for college and young adulthood. Both need to hear from us. Both need encouragement.

Parents need to know we will give them the benefit of the doubt as their children grow up. Young adults have free will, after all. Sometimes they misbehave in spite of — not because of — their upbringing.

Students need to know their parents are a work in progress too.

Pastors can share these lessons formally with both students and parents in venues such as worship services, midweek Bible studies, and small groups.

Personal mentoring has the greatest impact, however.

Because students are minors, you should not meet with them one-on-one. Another adult needs to be present. Alternatively, several other students can be present. 

Mentoring parents is easier. You just have to find a time and place to meet. Consider talking over coffee or meeting for lunch.

Most importantly, however, pastors themselves should model the desired attitudes and behaviors. Modeling is the best way to teach and mentor others. “Imitate me,” as Paul put it (1 Corinthians 4:16).

Sharing Formative Years

Change is inevitable as students transition from teenagers to young adults, and the college years can be some of the most transformative.

In the process of formation, students need trusted guides to help them process those changes. Parents should play this role, but they can do so only if their children deem them trustworthy.

Ironically, after college, the next most transformative period is when young adults marry and become parents themselves.

This means parents and students are operating in the most formative periods of their lives and doing so at the same time. Their growth is mutual.

Pastors who help Christian parents and students build good relationships with one another have a better chance of seeing positive spiritual outcomes — for both.

This article appears in the Spring 2026 issue of Influence magazine.