Two weeks prior to my college graduation, I had my first job lined up as a youth pastor at a church in central Louisiana. I was excited and ready to change the world.

When I mentioned this to a co-worker, he scooted his chair near mine and said, “Matt, I’m telling you, you will want to quit the ministry.”

The backstory to this comment was unfortunate. My co-worker had previously held a ministry position and quit after several years. This was the first time he had shared his transparent story with me. But I was full of zeal and brushed off his comments. I knew there was no way I would ever have those feelings.

What a difference five years — or even five months — can make. This is my journey to the brink of quitting, and back again.

Year 1 in Ministry: I Knew Everything and Judged Everyone
I believed what I believed, and you weren’t going to change my mind. I had no room for flexibility. I legislated my preferences, styles and opinions as biblical truth. It’s funny now, but I was the guy in the oversized suit who enjoyed three- to five-hour services. I mean, our youth services lasted three hours! Unfortunately, I was also the guy who judged everyone who wasn’t doing it the way I thought it should be.

I made assumptions and was openly critical of larger churches that I categorized as seeker-friendly. I made dangerous statements about leaders I had never met — statements for which I later had to repent. I was a young, college-educated, Jesus-believing church leader who wasn’t open to change.

During this year, I prayed and read my Bible every day. I had a great spiritual checklist that I thought made me look good on the outside, but I was slowly dying on the inside.

Year 2 in Ministry: I Hated Going to Church
My legalism was the first step into an unhealthy spiritual life. As I continued judging other churches and leaders, this critical attitude spilled over into my relationships with the people around me. I began taking everything personally. If a teenager didn’t come to youth group, I took it as a personal attack. I felt rejected, and those feelings clouded my perspective on ministry. As my mistrust of people increased, I started dreading church.

This is when the strongest urges of quitting began. No conference or church leader prepares you for a time when you can’t stand attending your own church, right? Every Sunday, I woke up in an awful mood, ready to get home and watch football. With this attitude, I was critical of everything about the church because I just didn’t want to be there.

My relationship with Jesus for the entire year was nearly absent. I stopped reading the Bible and praying almost entirely. That checklist from year one left me dry because I never really grew closer to Jesus. I was just checking off a list of spiritual things to make me appear fine.

Can I quit yet?

Year 3 in Ministry: I Found My Identity
After two years of struggling, I finally communicated how I was feeling. The leader in whom I confided gave me some life-changing advice about seeking out a support system.

I started surrounding myself with mentors, people who had been in ministry for 20 years or more and who were well respected. I aggressively pursued these relationships. I knew that I couldn’t expect a leader I had never met to call my cell phone out of the blue and invite me to join him for coffee. So, I picked up my phone and awkwardly asked these busy, high-level leaders for meetings.

I quickly discovered that these leaders would make time for me (or really anyone who would simply ask). These leaders I had butterflies talking with on the phone cared about me. Through that year, these leaders called out destiny and purpose in my life. They refueled my passion.

It’s not always easy, but God is always faithful.

I took their words to heart and was ready to give my church everything I had again. That year, the pastoral team at our church focused on trying to transition the church after a time of decline.

We tried, we pushed, we prayed, we strategized — and, ultimately, we still failed. But, for the first-time, I had my identity. I dressed in my own style, I spoke casually, and I became creative with ideas and strategy. In other words, I was beginning to understand the “why” behind my life.

I give credit to my pastor at the time. During this stage of my life, he encouraged my growth. He saw a change in me as a person and a leader. He gave me the authority to spread my wings and fly (cheesy as that may seem).

Despite my newfound identity, my love for Jesus was almost a faded memory. I was becoming healthier as an individual, but I was still sinking spiritually.

Year 4 In Ministry: I Got It Right Spiritually
We had just moved to a new city to volunteer at our current church. I was still running off the Year 3 highs of newfound identity and pushing through change. It was an exciting transition, but God was still working on me. This was the year for me to get right spiritually.

My volunteer workload at the church was light, which allowed me to sit in services for a year and draw a breath of fresh spiritual air. As I developed a consistent devotional life and grew closer to Jesus, I became more tuned in to my calling than ever before. Who knew that stepping away for a short time would get me to this place?

Year 5 in Ministry: I Received a Do-Over
It was May 2016, almost four years to the day after beginning ministry at my previous church, when I received my do-over. I returned to full-time ministry, equipped with a radical new perspective.

I was spiritually healthy for the first time since my college days. I had achieved balance. I was comfortable in my identity. I liked people again.

My five-year journey gave me a new perspective. I learned that there are moments when you want to give up. There are moments when you don’t feel like being an adult today.

I know what it’s like to stand on a church platform and hide internal struggles behind a religious façade. I quit ministry a lot of times in my head. I looked at hundreds of other jobs in Years 1, 2, 3 and even 4. Yet I have always known that ministry is a calling from God — a humbling opportunity to have a part in leading His church.

As much as I wanted to quit, I could not escape October 2, 2011. It was an ordinary Sunday service when, during worship, God planted a supernatural vision in my spirit. In the most extraordinary encounter with God I’ve ever experienced, He called me into ministry. I just couldn’t quit.

Church growth and ministry successes can be highly visible, but few people notice the quiet victories of ministers who persevere — despite setbacks and the nagging urge to quit.

If not for the prayers and counsel of caring leaders, I would be working outside God’s calling and destiny for my life.

So, young leader, get ready for your journey. It’s not always easy, but God is always faithful. A wise man once told me that I would want to quit. I laughed at him, but he was right. I have wanted to quit, more than once. But today I am thankful that I did not throw in the towel.

On the cusp of your desire to quit and leave ministry to someone else, remember the why. Remember the moment when God called you — when He surely could have called someone else.