Several years ago, I needed help learning a new skill at work. A co-worker thought she had adequately explained the process and provided appropriate tools, but I still didn’t get it.

At one point, she lifted her arms in frustration and declared, “I’m trying, but I don’t know how to help you, Dan.”

My colleague’s words echo what I imagine many pastors feel as they struggle to involve disengaged men in their congregations. They want to disciple, equip, and release these men into meaningful service, but simply don’t know how to help.

In my experience, there are four ways to break through the barriers and connect men to fellowship and purpose.

Build Friendships

Many men are struggling with isolation and loneliness. In a 2023 Gallup poll, more than 1 in 5 American men admitted feeling lonely at some point during the previous day.

The problem is not limited to unchurched people. In fact, a Barna survey found churchgoers were as likely as non-attenders to report a sense of loneliness.

Lonely men become isolated; isolated men lose hope; and hopeless men fall for spiritual counterfeits. Churches can break this cycle by prioritizing regular gatherings and events where men connect with one another and ministry leaders to explore biblical truth.

Rick Allen, my mentor and the national director of Assemblies of God Men’s Ministries and Light for the Lost, often says, “Men love to meet, eat, and talk about Jesus.”

If the men in your congregation aren’t doing that, they are probably waiting for someone to take the lead.

You don’t have to plan a large pancake breakfast or barbecue. It might be as simple as attending a local sporting event with a group of men or getting together for donuts and coffee. The most important elements are fellowship, faith and fun.

The responsibility of organizing meetings doesn’t have to fall to a pastor or staff member. Perhaps there are spiritually mature men in the congregation who would be willing to serve as volunteer leaders.

When my small church in rural Missouri organized a meeting to determine interest in starting a men’s group, nearly every man in the congregation showed up.

Today, our gatherings are so popular men often ask, “When are we getting together again?”

Provide Growth Tracks

The apostle John expressed great joy upon hearing his dear friend Gaius was walking in God’s truth (3 John 3–4).

In a 2023 Gallup poll, more than 1 
in 5 American men admitted feeling lonely at some 
point during the previous day.

Whether physically, vocationally, or spiritually, men like to feel they are making progress. Utilize an incremental approach to help the men in your congregation mature in faith.

During connection times, talk about how Scripture applies to real-life situations the men in your group are facing. Teach the basics of Christian living before diving into more complex theological topics.

Work through the Assemblies of God Statement of Fundamental Truths, for example. Cover practical topics, such as family life, parenting, serving, emotional health, the life of Christ, stewardship, and biblical sexuality. Include time for group discussions and questions.

Whenever possible, have a volunteer guide discussions and ask questions. In many cases, the group will open up more if the pastor is just one of the guys instead of the formal leader.

This is an opportunity for volunteers to step up as mentors and teachers. These gatherings can open doors for men to experience the Holy Spirit’s power and utilize their spiritual gifts.

Provide a clear path for growth, and watch God work in men’s lives.

Encourage Testimonies

The Gospel of Luke describes an encounter Jesus had with a demon-possessed man who was living as an outcast in the wilderness (8:26–39).

After miraculously delivering the man, Jesus gave him an assignment: “Return home and tell how much God has done for you” (verse 39).

Some men are hesitant to talk about their feelings, but every believer has a powerful testimony of life change. When you gather with men, remind them frequently of this truth.

Encourage men to tell their stories, and then provide space for them to do so. Give each believer a chance to share how he came to accept Christ and describe what God has done (or is doing) in his life.

This is part of fulfilling God’s mission as His witnesses (Acts 1:8). Sharing testimonies not only strengthens the faith of everyone in the room, but it also builds confidence for communicating the gospel to unsaved friends and loved ones.

Assemblies of God National Men’s Ministries uses the slogan, “A discipled man is missional, and a missional man is discipled.”

Giving men opportunities to share their Jesus stories primes them for future ministry.

Offer Targeted Service

As men develop friendships, grow in their knowledge of Scripture, and learn to share their stories, getting them plugged into church ministry is the next logical step.

Men crave purpose and want to contribute to their community in meaningful ways. Many long to find a place of ministry, but don’t know where to start.

To identify a man’s abilities, gifts, and passions, it helps to get to know him, ask questions, and watch him in a variety of settings. Small groups facilitate such connections.

Rather than just placing volunteers in vacancies, take time to find the right fit.

At a church I attended years ago, I asked how I could be more useful to the ministry.

Instead of learning about my interests, a well-meaning leader immediately assigned me to work in a classroom of 4-year-olds.

I did my best, but it wasn’t a good fit for me. I caught a cold every two weeks and began to feel unappreciated. I remember thinking, Really? This is all I can do here?

No one asked what I was good at or whether I had any ideas about where I would like to serve.

I wonder how many others respond to the call for service, only to find themselves shuffled into places where they feel miserable, unseen, and underutilized. Like everyone else, men who volunteer want to be helpers, not placeholders.

Encourage men to use their God-given gifts, and then celebrate their contributions. Others will take notice and realize the church values its volunteer workers.

My minister friend Gordon Houston says, “The church culture you have is largely determined by the heroes you create and the things you celebrate.”

The men in your church want to feel like heroes, so give them the chance to do heroic things for Christ.

Friendship, growth tracks, testimonies, and targeted service can help transform not only the men in your church, but your entire congregation.

I have personally benefited from these experiences and witnessed the difference they have made in the lives of numerous friends.

Every member in the body of Christ matters. Even if inspiring, equipping, or motivating them seems difficult, don’t give up on the men in your church. Help them build relationships, discover their purpose, and reach their Kingdom potential.

This article appears in the Fall 2025 issue of Influence magazine.