My son was kicked out of our church’s nursery when he was 9 months old.

“He just won’t let us put him down!” the worker told me as she handed me my baby bundle over the half door of his classroom. “We have to be able to take care of the other babies, you understand.”

I nodded and walked out of the nursery with a heavy heart. My son got kicked out of nursery, I thought over and over as I walked away from the children’s area. Who kicks a baby out of the nursery?

What I didn’t know then is that my son has autism. His name is Zechariah, which means “God remembers.” He is a sensory seeker, meaning that his sensory system doesn’t give him enough information about the world around him, so he is always looking for more sensory input. The hard, jarring sensation you get when you jump out of a swing or off the stairs; he loves that feeling. It helps him feel grounded. When he was a baby, he had no way to get extra sensory input on his own, so he relied on the sense of someone holding him. To feel right in the world, he needed to be held. Overworked nursery volunteers didn’t know. I didn’t even know at the time. I just knew that I had to hold Zechariah close to my heart for him to be happy.

Statistically Speaking
According to the 2010 census, nearly one in five Americans — about 56.7 million people — has some sort of disability. Of that number, more than half report a severe disability. My son’s diagnosis of autism spectrum disorder, or ASD, affects approximately one in every 68 children in the U.S., according to the Centers for Disease Control (CDC).

Opening up a church to families with special needs is not as challenging as some think.

The CDC also reports that one in 323 children has cerebral palsy (CP), a condition that affects a person’s ability to move and maintain balance and posture. One in every 700 children has Down syndrome, a genetic condition in which a person is born with an extra chromosome. Two million Americans are unable to see. Seven million Americans have problems with hearing. These are just a few of the disabilities people live with. Fragile X, juvenile rheumatoid arthritis, ADHD and mental issues are also part of the fabric of humanity.

Of these Americans with disabilities, only about half attend a church service at least once a month, according to the National Organization on Disability. And the more severe the reported disability, the less likely the individual and his or her family are to make it to church. Issues such as lack of transportation or lack of access to facilities are hindrances to meeting this community’s spiritual needs. 

Challenges Attending Church
When families with special needs want to attend church, a multitude of factors come into play. For my family, we had to find a church that would have someone dedicated to Zechariah. He has to have one-on-one supervision because he is not able to make safe choices. He needs to be in a children’s area even though his age would dictate a more advanced structure. His developmental age is more important than his physical age when figuring out how to minister to him.

Some families don’t ever attend services together if they can’t find a church home that can meet their whole family’s needs. The mom stays home with the child with the special need one Sunday while the rest of the family goes to church, and the father stays home the next Sunday — a fragmented way to worship.

Other families don’t want to expose their special needs members to possible derision or misunderstanding because of the way their children communicate or the odd, random sounds they make. Or they don’t want to face well-meaning church members who tell the family, “If only you could pray the right way, your child would be healed!” (This is something I’ve heard more than once regarding Zechariah’s diagnosis.) 

It’s About Access: Connor’s Story
Connor Harrup, 19, was born prematurely. He has CP, the result of a lack of sufficient blood flow through a deformed umbilical cord. When Connor was born, doctors told his parents, Scott and Jodie Harrup, that he wouldn’t live for more than a few years.

“We were essentially told to enjoy him for the time we had him,” Jodie says. “He was never expected to swallow, so he had a tube in his nose for liquid meals. He pulled the tube out the first week at home, and has been chewing and swallowing and chugging down liquid ever since.”

Connor is completely wheelchair bound, but he continues to exceed the medical community’s expectations.

“Connor was expected to be virtually vegetative,” Scott says. “But he understands a wide array of words and emotions, particularly in regard to prayer and worship. He probably has a spoken vocabulary of a couple dozen words.”

The Harrups, along with their other two children (Lindsey, 23, and Austin, 15) have attended three different churches of various sizes over the last few years. When Connor was born, the family attended a church of about 160 people. Scott says the integrated wheelchair ramp in the church foyer was a blessing.

“People were always accommodating of Connor and fully integrated him into the life of the church,” he says.

The second church they attended had a room   dedicated to kids with special needs. That ministry was a drawing point for the family.

“Being able to relax in the service, unworried about his care, was a time of respite for us each week,” Jodie says.

The church the Harrups currently attend offers a row in the sanctuary with a wheelchair cutout. But even beyond physical access, Scott says a church’s attitude is key to helping families like his feel comfortable.

“We want a welcoming environment where Connor can worship with others,” he says. 

Respite for the Whole Family
The word respite — meaning a short period of rest or relief — is a beautiful word for families with special needs. And when the respite is combined with a chance to worship together with a spiritual family, it adds a layer of healing and hope to what has probably been a challenging week.

Rockford First Church in Rockford, Illinois, (led by pastors Jeremy and Jen DeWeerdt) has a Champions Club ministry for families with special needs. Each week, between 30 and 40 children and teens with special needs attend. Approximately 45 volunteers work with these young “champions” and their families.

“We have nurses, therapists and doctors (volunteering),” says Chris Merz, director of operations for Champions Club. “But we also have a truck driver, students, teachers, stay-at-home moms or just people with a huge heart for kids.”

The ministry is in its third year. When the DeWeerdts became the parents of a child with Down syndrome, they felt a burden for families in situations similar to theirs. Research led them to a Champions Club ministry at Joel Osteen’s Lakewood Church in Houston, Texas.

Even though implementing Champions Club required extensive renovation of a portion of the Rockford First facility, the congregation immediately got behind the idea and committed $100,000 to the project.

Sometimes congregants and ministers pray for the physical needs they see before them, not for the soul that may have issues completely unrelated to physical needs.

The renovation involved creating four rooms for the champions to rotate through during service time. The first, a physical therapy room, accommodates high-energy activities. After physical therapy, the champions go through the sensory room. This starts the calming process and allows them to use all their senses to get involved. The third room is the most important room, Merz says. This room is the spiritual therapy room.

“No matter what their diagnosis is, regardless of what we think they’re going to understand, it’s still important to us that they hear that God loves them and has a plan for them,” Merz says.

 This is the part of Sunday mornings where the team gets to invest spiritually in the kids, helping them learn with whatever learning style works for them.

The fourth room is an educational room, which serves as an extension of the sensory room.

“One of my favorite moments is when we work on the memory verses with the champions,” says Hannah Sunde, an intern working with the group. “The first few weeks, it’s kind of tough helping them understand. But we use sign language and pictures or whatever works for the kids. By the end of the month, they have it memorized, and they can sign it and apply it to their lives, and that’s super cool. We have amazing teachers!”

Champions Club is not just for kids with special needs.

“We partner with families,” Merz says. “Even if it’s just for 90 minutes a week, we will do everything in our power to have families in church together. We don’t ever want anyone to feel pushed away.” 

John’s Story
John Horner, 24, has CP and ADHD. He walks with impairment. John’s mom, Julie Horner, says the family searched for a church home where they could find safety for John and rest for themselves.

“(We needed) a place where we could be with adults and take a break,” Julie says. “I would not have selected a church where we would have been expected to take a turn in kids’ ministry or be with our kids.”

Julie also wanted a church home for her daughter, Rachel.

 “Siblings of kids with disabilities struggle, too,” Julie says. “We wanted a place she could be connected to.”

And they needed a church where their son could feel acceptance.

“We didn’t want church to feel like school, so we valued fitting in more than achievement,” Horner says. “For example, in Royal Rangers, we didn’t emphasize John having to master all the milestones, as school wasn’t easy. We wanted him to see church as a place where he felt Jesus’ love and acceptance, not a place where he had to measure up.”

One of the challenges of being in a church family is that sometimes congregants and ministers pray for the physical needs they see before them, not for the soul that may have issues completely unrelated to physical needs.

“When people prayed for healing, it was the least effective (way to minister),” John says. “It made me hate my self-image and my position in life and ultimately resent those in the church that wanted it to happen because they thought my happiness was tied to being more like them. But it was simultaneously the most effective thing because I came to the realization that God gives everyone things to deal with, and that my position was more of a blessing than a disadvantage. Thus, this caused more spiritual progress because I was fine with the way God made me.”

Because of the awkward exchanges, John ultimately decided to leave the church his parents were attending.

“On the good side, it helped him see others who need to be honored as people, not as projects,” Julie says. “One of his closest friends is another young man from our church who has a brain injury.” 

People, Not Projects
Opening up a church to families with special needs is not as challenging as some think.

“Most churches already have facilities for kids,” Merz says. “If a church just adds one volunteer dedicated to special needs kids to the room, that makes it happen.”

Rockford First Church regularly gives tours to other churches and pastors looking to open their hearts and doors to families with special needs.

“We hear stories all the time about families feeling unwelcome at church because of their little ones who may be too loud or attract attention or other kids don’t feel safe around them,” Merz says. “But the biggest thing is inclusion. And it is so good for our church, for our people to be around special needs kids.”

Rockford First even integrates the champions into the church’s first impression team, pairing teen champions with greeting team members at the church’s main doors for service.

“We see attendees go out of their way to go to a door with champions to greet them,” Merz says. “The champions are part of our family, and this is something we’re proud of. Our church has a huge heart for this. We have so many people who just love these kids.” 

Zechariah’s Story
My son Zechariah is now 9-years-old. It’s been 8 years since he was kicked out of the nursery. Today, he has limited verbal skills and some behavioral issues. Our family attends James River Church in Ozark, Missouri. James River Church has a dedicated room for children with special needs called Jordan’s Room. The room is for kids ages 4 to 12 and is staffed with volunteers who have a heart for children with special needs. Zechariah has been in Jordan’s Room for two years now and thoroughly enjoys it. He sees the same faces each week and has a chance to learn about the love of Christ in a way that he can comprehend. He asks to go see the “kids at church.”

Before we used Jordan’s Room, we were blessed to have a family come alongside us and act as Zechariah’s special hosts while he was in the children’s ministry. This has allowed my husband and me to attend Sunday and midweek services together, knowing that Zechariah was being supervised with love, care and respect. This family had a heart for my family and made it possible for us to have a spiritual respite once a week.

Opening Doors
Merz encourages churches not to put off reaching out to families with special needs.

“You don’t need a list of items or rooms or facilities that are available to make this happen,” he says. “You need a heart for it and volunteers who have a heart for it. Once it’s
available, people will hear about it and want it. We’ve added about one-third to our attendees in the past six months, and that’s because we provide a program that is trusted, and our families love it. When those families find something that they love, they will spread the word.”

Merz says welcoming special needs children and their families can be as simple as adding a dedicated volunteer to the already-existing kids’ ministries. He says local schools may even be willing to provide teaching tips.

“People are scared to take the jump to make this happen because they feel it’s a lot to swallow,” Merz says. “But for a small church that only has a few kids to accommodate, local public schools are a great resource. They employee teachers and paraprofessionals who work with kids with special every day.”

He says churches can also follow the example of some NFL teams that offer attendees with autism a kit that gives them special tools to enjoy their experience. Families can check in and receive a kit that includes noise-cancelling headphones, earplugs, fidget toys and a detailed schedule that lets them know what to expect and when. For people with autism, unexpected sounds can be a fearful experience, an assault on their senses that they don’t know how to process. This can lead to meltdowns and often limits where a  family will go or how long they will stay.

The organization I’m A-OK partners with businesses to help them become autism-friendly.

In Matthew 11:28, Jesus said, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”

Rest and respite are often what families with special needs are looking for. By following the basic tenets of Christianity, churches can become a haven of respite for all families with special needs.

This article first appeared in the April-May 2016 issue of Influence magazine.