Mom, my heart is wrinkled,” 6-year-old Travis said as I tucked him into bed.

Puzzled, I asked, “What wrinkles your heart?”

Travis explained, “My heart wrinkles when kids at school are mean to me, push me down, or won’t let me play with them. If you wrinkle a heart, it can’t go back to being smooth again.”

As I embraced my little boy, tears streamed down his cheeks.

In that moment, I sensed the Holy Spirit leading me to talk about God’s love and the healing power of forgiveness. I asked Travis if there was a time when his heart didn’t feel wrinkled.

“When you or Dad hold me or play with me,” my son said.

I shared that God is a loving Heavenly Father and the only one who can heal a heart. When we forgive others like Jesus forgave us, God smooths out the hurt places and wrinkles, replacing them with His love.

After our talk, Travis fell asleep peacefully and woke up happy the next day.

I’m grateful Travis felt comfortable confiding in me. My husband, Keith, and I are intentional about spending time, growing in relationship, and engaging in spiritual conversations with our children. As pastors, we know there is no substitute for discipleship at home — no matter how many hours we spend in church together.

Several years ago, I came across a study that indicated faith transfers most successfully from one generation to the next in the context of a healthy parent-child bond. As intuitive as this principle may seem, it changed the way I think about parenting.

Simply quoting Bible verses or citing rules is not enough. Our children need us to show and tell them what it means to live and love like Jesus.

Pastors understand the importance of spiritual conversations. Yet amid the busyness of ministry, it’s easy to miss opportunities for meaningful faith discussions with those who most need to hear from us: our children.

In our household, we have developed four daily habits that help us maintain open lines of communication and guide our kids toward faith.

Gathering

Build a strong relationship that includes — but is not limited to — spirituality.

Especially for children, the currency of relationship is time and attention. Kids feel secure and loved when parents treat their needs and feelings as priorities.

Listening to your children, engaging with their interests, and responding to their questions lays a foundation of trust.

Kids feel secure 
and loved when 
parents treat 
their needs 
and feelings 
as priorities.

Relationship building requires intentionality. In our family, we prioritize gathering around the table for at least six meals weekly. We take turns sharing the highs and lows of our day, along with highlights that fall somewhere in between. (Travis suggested adding a “mediums” category so we can discuss more mundane events.)

To guide discussions toward spiritual matters, we utilize Ignite Parenting Conversation Cards, a kid-friendly resource that includes questions and relevant Bible verses.

Over the past eight years of full-time ministry, we have missed only three planned family dinners together (each time because of medical emergencies in the congregation).

Our children even invite dinner guests to join us by asking them to come share their day.

The daily habit of connecting over a meal fosters deeper relationships. It also consistently points us to God, who is with us through all the ups and downs — as well as the mundane, everyday aspects of life.

Affirmation

In addition to time and attention, children need affirmation and encouragement from their parents.

One night during prayer, Keith sensed God telling him to declare blessings over our kids. So, Keith began articulating four positive qualities he sees in each child.

For example, our 4-year-old daughter, Renee, hears every night from her father, “You are powerful, beautiful, alert, and joyful.”

We tell our kids God created them uniquely and wants to use them for His glory.

When they encounter hardships later in life, we hope they will remember these affirmations and know they are precious in God’s sight and ours.

Ask God to give you words of blessing for your children, and make affirmation a regular part of your family’s routine.

Prayer

Kids often learn about spiritual disciplines by watching their parents. Share your prayer life by talking to God out loud.

During stressful moments at home, I used to pray silently for help and strength. After reading books about passing on my faith, however, I am now careful to pray where my kids can hear.

I am careful to keep the prayer focus on myself rather than asking God to change someone else. If the children happen to be the source of my stress, I don’t pray, “Lord, do something about these rebellious kids.”

Instead, I might say something like, “Holy Spirit, help me become more like Jesus. Make my heart more loving, kind and patient.”

This honest request for inner transformation is also a profound life lesson. I want my kids to understand that God alone is perfect, and Christians should never stop seeking spiritual growth.

I also thank God out loud when I experience His faithfulness and goodness. By seeking and praising the Lord in front of my children, I communicate that He is my source in all things and wants to be theirs as well.

Through these simple prayers, I am showing my kids that God helps me manage difficult emotions and brings me hope and joy.

Even though we might want to do so at times, we can’t force spiritual conversations on our children. But we can model a life of prayerful dependance on God and trust the Holy Spirit to speak directly to their hearts.

Bible Engagement

Parents can also instill a love of Scripture.

Integrating the Bible into your personal life and family rhythms emphasizes that God’s Word is important. If children observe their parents engaging with the Bible daily, they are more likely to do the same.

Let your kids catch you studying the Bible and reading it devotionally. Discuss what God’s Word teaches about situations you encounter at home. Carve out time for family devotions. Read age-appropriate material based on Scripture, such as storybook Bibles. Listen to audio versions of the Bible while making dinner or driving.

After my children received toy swords and shields as a gift, I shared with them Paul’s teaching concerning the armor of God in Ephesians 6.

When I wonder whether these little lessons are taking root, the Holy Spirit offers encouragement in unexpected ways.

Recently, my 6-year-old told me what most impresses him about our spiritual conversations: “What you say and what you do are the same.”

As parents, may we all stand firm with integrity by putting on the belt of truth and the armor of God’s righteousness, using the sword of the Spirit to fight for the future faith of our children (Ephesians 6:14–17).

This article appears in the Fall 2025 issue of Influence magazine.