When I first stepped into the role of lead pastor, someone pulled me aside and said, “Congratulations! Now you can do whatever you want!”

At the time, I smiled politely. But it wasn’t long before I realized just how misguided that person’s assumption was.

Leadership is not about gaining privilege, but relinquishing it for the sake of others. Rather than more rights, promotion brings greater responsibility.

Ministry involves sacrifice, service, and surrender. If we are not willing to lay down some things, we’ll never be able to pick up the mantle of leadership God has entrusted to us.

Instead of doing whatever we want, our calling is to give up certain rights for the sake of the Kingdom.

Controlling the Narrative

One of the hardest rights to surrender is the ability to manage how others perceive us.

People tell stories from their own perspectives, rarely providing the full context. Sometimes — to safeguard confidentiality, protect others, or maintain integrity — pastors cannot explain their side. It may feel unjust, but it’s part of leadership.

Prayerfully make the best decisions you can using the information and resources available. Then, if others question your motives or create a false narrative, you can give it to God with a clear conscience.

That’s what David did when King Saul was pursuing him. Instead of trying to avenge himself against Saul, David simply said, “May the Lord judge between you and me” (1 Samuel 24:12).

Being Understood

Of course, some people will misread or misunderstand even the best pastoral intentions.

We can’t insist that people understand us, but we can patiently strive to communicate clearly. At the end of the day, ministry is about serving.

The apostle Paul provides a helpful template in 1 Corinthians 9:19–23. Though he was free, Paul chose to become a servant of all, adapting his communication style to meet people where they were.

Leadership requires that level of intentionality. Communication is part of the job. It's not always glamorous or convenient. It might mean saying the same thing 100 times — on various platforms and in different ways — to get across what seems obvious to us.

Good leaders don’t demand to be understood. Instead, they work to make understanding possible.

The goal is for people to feel informed, seen, and valued. Therefore, we should seek to remove confusion wherever we can and fill the gaps with encouragement.

Defending Myself

Every minute I spend defending myself is a minute I’m not advancing the Kingdom.

I’ve learned this lesson the hard way — through real conflicts, relationships, and wounds. It’s simply not worth the cost.

When we release
the right to control
the narrative, be understood, defend ourselves, avoid responsibility, and do our own thing,
we make space
for something far greater.

There will always be people who question our motives, twist our words, or assume the worst. The natural response is to take a defensive posture and push back. But that instinct can rob us of peace — and distract from the mission.

Jesus modeled restraint in the face of false accusations. When He stood before Pilate and the religious leaders hurled insults and lies, Jesus “gave no answer” (Matthew 27:12). That’s because He trusted the Father to vindicate Him.

You don’t have to rush to your own rescue. Time and faithfulness are the best defenders.

Proverbs 26:4 says, “Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you yourself will be just like him.”

Not every fight is worth your energy. Not every opinion deserves a response. Often the best course of action is simply to pray, leave it in God’s hands, and move on.

Keep demonstrating Christ’s love, trusting God to change hearts and lives as only He can.

Avoiding Responsibility

It might not be your fault — but as a pastor, it’s still your responsibility.

This is one of the toughest truths in leadership. You can do everything right, and still have to clean up someone else’s mess.

Maybe a team member dropped the ball. Perhaps someone didn’t follow through or a miscommunication spiraled into conflict. Step up to deal with the fallout, even when it wasn’t your mistake.

The higher you go in leadership, the more responsibility you have. And it’s always worth considering how you might have contributed to the issue.

Ask, What could I have communicated more clearly? Did I follow up as I should have? Did I provide enough support, direction, or care?

When there’s a failure at any level, make it right. Offer apologies where appropriate. Owning responsibility doesn’t weaken your leadership. It strengthens trust.

People don’t expect perfection, but they do need you to set a humble and godly example.

The only perfect leader is Jesus. And though He had no sin, Christ took our transgressions on himself.

Philippians 2:7 says Jesus “made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant.” That’s the leadership model God calls us to emulate.

Doing My Own Thing

A popular refrain today is, “Just do you.”

The right to do our own thing is one Christ followers — and especially ministry leaders — need to let go of for the sake of the gospel.

Actions have consequences. Particularly in leadership, there’s no such thing as a personal decision. Every choice you make impacts your team, volunteers, and community.

As 1 Corinthians 8:9 reminds us, we need to be careful that the exercise of our rights does not become a stumbling block to others. Just because we can do something doesn’t mean we should.

Leadership means living with a heightened awareness of your influence, example, and responsibility to others. Whether it’s how you spend your time, what you post online, how you behave in public, or even what you say behind closed doors, it all matters.

People are watching. What they see in you is shaping their views of faith, the Church, and God.

Before making a decision, ask, How will this affect the people I lead? Will it help or hurt the team culture we’re building? Could it confuse, discourage, or distract someone? Does it undermine or add credibility to my testimony?

We give up the right to live for ourselves when we follow and represent Christ, who “did not come to be served, but to serve” (Mark 10:45).

What Matters

Leadership isn’t easy. It will test your patience, humility, and even faith at times.

Every right we surrender is an opportunity to reflect the One who gave up everything for us.

When we release the right to control the narrative, be understood, defend ourselves, avoid responsibility, and do our own thing, we make space for something far greater. We step into a kind of leadership that is Spirit-led, Kingdom-focused, and people-serving.

Church leaders don’t get to do whatever we want, but instead what matters most.

We have the opportunity to set the tone, influence lives, and point people to Christ. The sacrifices are well worth the rewards.

This article appears in the Fall 2025 issue of Influence magazine.