One of the most difficult seasons in the lives of many ministers is when their children turn their backs on God. As a teenager, I was that wayward pastor’s daughter.

My childhood was filled with all the blessings of belonging to a family who sincerely loved Jesus and loved people. As the oldest daughter of Jim and Carol Cymbala, pastors of the Brooklyn Tabernacle in New York City, I loved my life and wouldn’t have changed anything about it. Everyone who knew me considered me a well-behaved girl. No one would have seen my crisis coming.

But as I entered adolescence, something took root inside me and began to grow. Satan sowed seeds of doubt and rebellion in my young heart.

When I turned 18, with no significant warning, I became the daughter my parents didn’t know anymore.

It started with my expulsion from Bible college. Then my parents discovered I had been concealing a pregnancy.

Our home went from being a place filled with joy and peace to a place of tears and desperate pleading, as my mom and dad tried everything possible to get through to me. I had become a compulsive liar, squirming under any sense of truth.

I remember my dad saying, “You’re not the first girl in the church who’s gotten pregnant. Your pregnancy is not the problem. The problem is, you won’t let us help you. We can’t help you when you lie to us.”

My parents didn’t have the luxury of taking a sabbatical during those years. Their church had grown to include four powerful Sunday services, a world-renowned choir, and a packed weekly prayer gathering that was touching the world. Their ministry responsibilities were only getting greater.

Sunday after Sunday, Dad sat in his office crying, wondering where I was and whether I was OK, right before stepping into the pulpit to preach.

The 150-voice choir came each week to practice with their director, my mom. They anticipated rehearsals filled with energy and joy — the kind they were used to.

People fought through New York City after work to get to the prayer meeting each Tuesday night, many of them facing heart-wrenching personal circumstances. They came desperate for someone to lead them to the throne of grace.

My parents had to leave their feelings outside before walking into the church. Many who came week after week weren’t aware of the pain they were enduring.

But God knew. At a Tuesday night prayer meeting in January, with more than 1,000 people gathered, someone handed my dad a note that read, “Tonight is Chrissy’s night.” Dad knew he was supposed to share it with the people, and when he did, the church began to cry out to God. They lifted up my name with such intensity that a participant later described it as a “labor room” of prayer.

Meanwhile, I was at home, getting my daughter settled into her crib. While lying in bed that night, I saw a shadowy form enter the room. Then I saw a second figure, one that was beautiful and bright. It felt like a dream, but I knew I was very much awake.

The dark figure pointed at me and spoke to the luminous figure, saying, “I have her life.”

The dark figure’s next words were chilling. “And now, she’s mine too,” it said, gesturing toward my child.

“When I turned 18, with no significant warning, I became the daughter my parents didn’t know anymore.”
— Chrissy Toledo

I woke up the next morning knowing something had changed. It felt as though the heavy, oppressive weight I had lived under for years had lifted from me while I slept. I felt light and joyful. My first inclination was to pray — something I hadn’t done in a long time.

My prayer was humble and sincere as I cried out to God. I asked Him to come and change me and help me turn from the way I had been living. Little did I know a breakthrough had already happened the night before when God’s people were praying for me. I believe a spiritual battle took place — and Jesus set me free.

My story has become a testimony to many that God answers prayer. Today, I’m a wife, and a mother of three married children, all of whom are serving the Lord. God has even blessed me with grandchildren. The Lord has been incredibly merciful and faithful over the years, as I have served Him alongside my husband in ministry.

My husband, Al, and I have witnessed many redemptive miracles like the one I experienced. We’ve learned that prayer is the lifeline of our church, Chicago Tabernacle (Assemblies of God). Many come carrying the great burdens of lost loved ones, believing God for breakthroughs in the lives of a spouse, child or grandchild.

Over the years, Christian leaders have asked me, “How do I navigate this dark season of having a broken heart while doing ministry? How do I stand before people in the midst of shame and condemnation that comes with having a wayward child?”

Here are two things I tell them:

Gain Perspective

It’s important to remember that your kids are people too, and they have to resist the enemy just like every other Christian does. Our kids aren’t immune to the attacks and suggestions that come from the kingdom of darkness. Your child is on his or her own faith journey.

Realizing you are not responsible for your children’s decisions frees you to trust God to do what only He can do. Let yourself off the hook. Satan comes to steal, kill and destroy, but Jesus came to give us life to the fullest (John 10:10).

Choose to reject the guilt trip that Satan tries to take you on. Then put the responsibility for your child’s deliverance into the hands of our mighty God. Then you’ll begin to pray with new confidence (Hebrews 11:1).

Seek God

There was a time when one of our children was straying from the faith and listening to the wrong voices. One day, while I was reading the Bible and praying, the Lord spoke to my heart and said, “If you worry, then I’m not faithful.”

For Al and me, that word became an anchor and the war cry of our hearts. It helped us resist condemnation and fearful thoughts. And I can testify with great joy that this child is serving the Lord today.

Every situation is different. If you have a wayward child, ask God to lead, guide and strengthen you. He will give wisdom to those who ask (James 1:5).

There’s no shame in being in a battle. In fact, your faith in a difficult season can increase the power of your ministry. My parents chose not to give in to discouragement, and their resolve was an inspiration to many.

God wants to use your faith and tenacity in prayer — not only to give birth to a breakthrough in your child’s life, but also to infuse faith in others to trust in the power of God.

When God’s people cried out to Him to rescue me, God had it in His heart to do even more. It reminds me of the words of the apostle Paul in Ephesians 3:20–21:

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever!

Regardless of what is happening in your child’s life, rejoice before you see the miracle. This kind of faith is precious to God. He will respond, and do even greater things than you ask.

This article appears in the January–March 2021 edition of Influence magazine.