My eldest son, Nathan, started driving on his own as soon as he turned 16.

I had looked forward to that day for years. After countless hours transporting my boys to and from school, practices, and other activities, I was eager to retire from chauffeuring duties.

Yet when Nathan left home to drive himself and his younger brother to school for the first time, I didn’t feel like celebrating. Tears flowed as I watched the familiar silver Sable pull out of our driveway, turn the corner, and disappear from sight — and the bounds of my control.

Parenting is not for the faint of heart. While we help our children take steps toward independence, nothing can fully prepare us for the changes that inevitably come.

Nevertheless, there are things we can do to make the eventual transition to empty nesting easier for everyone involved. Wherever you are on the parenting timeline, invest now in the following areas.

Identity and Growth

Parenting demands tremendous time, attention, and emotional energy. We sacrifice for our children’s well-being, and that’s a good thing.

If we aren’t careful, though, something subtle happens: We begin to disappear.

Even as we encourage our children to embrace their identity in Jesus, we risk losing sight of our own. The relentless pressure to perform perfectly can swallow up the God-breathed person we were created to be.

Before we were parents, spouses, or ministers, we were image bearers. Our identity should rest in Christ, not our children’s accomplishments or any external measure of success.

When parenting is our primary source of identity, the weight on our hearts and homes becomes unsustainable. We might try to orchestrate outcomes that ultimately belong to God alone.

In many families, one parent is the primary caregiver. I stayed home with my boys for 10 years, and then worked part-time during school hours for another six.

When parenting is our primary source of identity, the weight on our hearts and homes becomes unsustainable. We might try to orchestrate outcomes that ultimately belong 
to God alone.

I didn’t fully understand how stepping away from a career path for that long would affect my future earning potential, which we would later rely on to help pay for our children’s college educations.

When my son finally drove himself and his brother to school, I could return to full-time work. But I carried a 16-year gap on my résumé and in my skills.

Whether working outside the home or not, parents should keep their professional skills current. This is not selfish; it’s stewardship.

The God who created you did not pause His calling on your life while you parented. Child rearing is term limited. Your need to earn income in an arena of vocational calling lasts for a much longer period.

Stay engaged. Take workshops or online courses, attend conferences, read and study in your field, volunteer strategically, or accept occasional freelance or project-based work.

This is not about chasing achievement, but remaining connected to the person God created you to be. Your identity matters — not only before and after raising children, but also in the midst of it.

Couples should share caregiving and housekeeping responsibilities, ensuring each person has time for spiritual, vocational, and identity development.

Home Life

Raising children while engaged in full-time ministry can be exhausting. Meetings, sermon preparation, staff management, church services, and pastoral care don’t always fit neatly into a 40-hour work week.

These things are important, but so is time with family.

In fact, participating in home life can enhance ministry effectiveness. Active parenting stretches our capacity for sacrificial love, patience, and presence. It teaches us to hold ambition loosely and the people in our lives tenderly.

Sitting in the school pickup line, attending recitals and ballgames, helping cook dinner and fold laundry, and joining bedtime routines are mundane acts that can have a lasting impact.

These small gestures declare to our children that they matter — to us and God. They will carry this understanding with them into adulthood.

Hobbies and Interests

The empty nest is not an end, but a new beginning. Think of it as a fresh calling to rediscover your identity, refocus on time with your spouse, and imagine what expanded ministry might look like.

One way to reclaim some down time and connect with one another is through hobbies and shared interests. God designed us for joy, creativity, rest, and curiosity. Hobbies are one way to experience those gifts.

Cultivate individual hobbies, couple hobbies, and family hobbies.

I like to read and bake. Reading exposes me to ideas and engages my imagination. Baking appeals to my desire for precision and accuracy.

My husband, Steve, and I enjoy walking together. We talk and pray during morning walks. On weekends, we hike and explore local natural areas. This is an investment not only in our health, but also our relationship.

Our family has a fantasy football league. On Sundays after church, we often text our young adult sons about football. We don’t have to be physically together to cheer on our teams, talk about players, and analyze plays.

Hobbies give families inside stories and shared moments that become relational glue. These are the threads that keep adult children tethered to their families of origin in healthy, happy ways.

Marital Health

Many ministry couples spend years functioning as co-managers — scheduling, problem solving, and running on parallel tracks — for the sake of their church and children. But when the marriage itself becomes an afterthought, it’s not good for anyone.

A marriage neglected during the busy years will struggle when the house quiets. A marriage tended in small, steady ways will continue to flourish.

Think of simple ways to connect that you can sustain over time. Share a morning ritual. Take walks. Set aside one screen-free evening weekly. Pray together, however briefly. Ask open-ended questions that invite genuine conversation.

For Steve and me, the best conversations happen each morning over coffee. Some exchanges are deeply theological. Others are silly and lighthearted. Either way, these moments bring us together. We rarely have a consistent date night, but we almost always manage morning coffee times.

Whatever their age, your children will benefit from seeing their parents laugh together, forgive quickly, and enjoy each other’s company. That relational foundation will strengthen your family and ministry.

Years spent raising children is only a portion of a marriage, not the scope. When we understand that, we approach the empty nest not with fear but hope. Parenting doesn’t end when children leave, but it does change. Our role shifts from teacher to coach, from daily guide to trusted advisor.

Our kids still come to us for advice. Steve fields car and finance questions, and I provide relationship and cooking guidance. We no longer oversee their day-to-day decisions, of course. But because we cultivated our children’s identities and ours during the formative years, we remain deeply connected as a family.

As parents, we seek to give our children both roots and wings. Roots anchor them in Christ and family. Wings allow children to become the people God created them to be.

We need roots and wings as well. The empty nest years bring a season of deepening connections and opportunities to soar with renewed vision.

As I tearfully watched my boys turn the corner that morning 10 years ago, I realized parenting would always be a dance of holding on and letting go, guiding and releasing, loving deeply and surrendering daily.

Anchor your identity and family in Christ. Discover your God-given design, grow in love for one another, and disciple your children to follow Jesus.

Then, even when the nest is empty, your heart and life will remain full.

This article appears in the Winter 2026 issue of Influence magazine.