When my mother-in-law passed away, we inherited china from her. The funny thing is, my husband had never seen any of the sets. As far as he could remember, they had never been used.

Hospitality is like that for many Christians. It’s a beautiful ideal that rarely gets practiced. Often there is a conflict between what we want and what we’re willing to do to get it.

All of us want to be part of a welcoming, loving community that extends beyond our church’s four walls. But often, we aren’t willing to be the ones who create that community by opening the doors of our homes to others.

My husband and I felt this way coming out of COVID-19. Even though his family had a long history in our church, we didn’t feel like we truly belonged.

Rather than blame others, however, we took initiative. We started a Sunday School class, invited other families to lunch after the worship service, and welcomed small groups into our home. Pretty soon, we were building the welcoming, loving community we wanted, and we still are.

Along the way, we learned two lessons about hospitality.

Biblical Responsibility

First, hospitality is a biblical responsibility.

“Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality,” writes Paul in Romans 12:13. Those are commandments, not suggestions.

We don’t always obey commandments with a smile, but we should. “Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling,” Peter writes (1 Peter 4:9).

Last year, a new family in our Sunday School class invited us to their home for a meal. Our kids played with theirs, the meal was simple and delicious, and the conversation was great. We left with smiles on our faces.

Now, when we see that family, our kids light up because they were shown love.

Do you remember when Paul and his companions were shipwrecked on Malta? “[Publius] welcomed us to his home and showed us generous hospitality for three days,” Luke writes (Acts 28:7). No doubt Publius’ hospitality made an impression.

Receiving hospitality like that should inspire us to be hospitable ourselves.

Hospitality also creates space for new relationships. As Hebrews 13:2 puts it, “Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it.”

I have yet to meet an angel, but hospitality has performed the miracle of turning strangers into friends.

Since my husband is a minister, I also want to point out that hospitality is a requirement for church leaders.

“The overseer is to be above reproach, faithful to his wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach” (1 Timothy 3:2)

Similarly, Titus 1:8 says an overseer “must be hospitable, one who loves what is good, who is self-controlled, upright, holy and disciplined.”

In both passages, character comes before competence. Ministers should be good teachers and administrators, of course. However, they should be good people first, and that includes having hospitable attitudes and actions.

That should also be true of every Christian.

Genuine Welcome

Second, genuine hospitality isn’t about impressing people, but making them feel welcome, comfortable and seen.

One of the biggest reasons we don’t practice hospitality is because we fear being judged. Is my house nice enough? Is the food good enough? Am I likable enough? Those are the questions we worry about.

I have yet to meet 
an angel, but hospitality has performed the miracle of turning strangers into friends.

Here’s the truth: No one cares whether your floorboards are dusty or you have the newest paint color on the wall. A Costco lasagna and salad work just fine for a meal.

What people remember is how you made them feel, so focus on being present. A genuine smile and calm environment make others feel welcome in your space.

So, how do we keep the focus on making people feel welcome?

Start with the season of life you’re in.

My husband and I became foster parents in 2013. (We already had a 5-year-old biological son.) The girls, whom we eventually adopted, were 19 months and 2 months old. I was a stay-at-home mom, and having a preschooler and two girls in diapers was a lot to handle. I couldn’t take on one more thing.

There are moments in life when hospitality is just one more thing. Honor your limitations. Guests won’t feel welcome if you feel overwhelmed.

Next, pay attention to preparation.

If getting the house ready for an event makes your family crazy, your emotions will be in the wrong place when the event starts. And you — and your family — will hesitate to host others again.

So, allow ample time to get things ready, and set your priorities. Reorganizing the laundry room the day before your guests arrive is not one of them.

Waiting until your home is perfect means you’re kicking the can down the road. Invite people over anyway.

The good thing is, practice makes progress. The more you host, the easier hospitality becomes. And the more fun you and your guests have.

Location is another thing to think about.

Does hospitality always have to take place in your home? We’ve planned meetups at our local pool. You could have a picnic at a park. Sometimes after church, we invite others to join us at Wendy’s and eat $6 Biggie Bags or 4 for $4 Meals for lunch.

Hospitality is more about spending time than money.

Setting the table is an important consideration. When my 13-year-old daughter held a Galentine’s Day party for her friends, we went all out, using formal plates and flatware, as well as cooking food from scratch.

Looking around, I thought everything was beautiful. The girls did too, but they would have been just as happy with paper plates and pizza.

Be OK with paper plates and pizza.

As much as I love the china we inherited from my mother-in-law, mixing and matching the patterns for special events, hospitality is not about plates. Or food.

What people want to feel is your heart for them, which reflects the love of Christ.

Finally, practice flexibility. When hosting at home, things do not always go according to plan. Sometimes, people show up early, the food runs late, and the rolls don’t rise.

When that happens, don’t stress out. Guests will remember how they felt, not whether things followed a plan.

And as my friend Wayne Tesch likes to say, “Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be broken.”

The Call

Some people have the gift of hospitality, but God calls all of us to be hospitable.

What does that look like for you? Have you noticed a new family or couple in your church? Invite them over.

Do we welcome everyone, or just those who look, believe, pray, and vote like us?

The Greek word for hospitality is philoxenia, “love of strangers,” that is, people unlike us. Hospitality may take us out of our comfort zone. But like a muscle, the more you exercise hospitality, the greater your capacity grows.

There’s a close connection between hospitality and worship. If we genuinely worship God, we will act like Him. If He graciously adopted us into His family (Ephesians 1:5), the least we can do is welcome others into our homes — or a pool, park, or fast-food restaurant.

Our kids watch what we do, not just what we say. Let’s pull out the china — or Chinet — and leave a legacy of welcome.

This article appears in the Spring 2026 issue of Influence magazine.