Christians aren’t always the most likeable people. If you take a minute to think about pop culture depictions of churchgoers — from TV characters and comedy bits to songs and movies — you’ll realize Christians have an image problem. In the eyes of the world, we don’t always come across as the kindest, most understanding people.

How much of this is our fault? As Christians, we’re called to be likeable — even more so if we are pastors, ministers or leaders in the local church.

This article isn’t about culture wars or politics. It’s a call to consider how we, as leaders, can exude great love — the kind of love Jesus showed to people of all backgrounds, lifestyles and beliefs — even as we live with strong convictions.

Our convictions don’t have to be needlessly divisive. Since Jesus was the example of what it looks like to live a sinless life, let’s allow Him to be our compass as we seek to be truly likeable leaders.

 Are You a Likeable Leader?
Are you a likeable leader? I don’t ask this to make you feel uneasy. Likeability isn’t easy. You have ample opportunities throughout your day to be unlikeable. But there are also moments when, with a slightly different mindset, you can share the love of Christ.

Our goal is to become more like Jesus and, in turn, draw more people to Him. Likeability is always the by-product of that. 

I’m certain I could be more likeable as I go about my day. Sometimes it takes a conscious effort to respond in a way that honors and reflects Jesus. When I stop to get gas on my way to the office and the pump isn’t working properly, I can either get frustrated or I can be gracious as I walk into the gas station for help. That’s an opportunity for me to be likeable. When my wife and I don’t agree about something, I can either fight to get my way or I can work to listen. These are opportunities to be likeable. I’m not sure I always do the best job, but I know it’s important, and I’m constantly working to get better.

Can you recall moments in your life when you could have been more likeable? I’m guessing you can. This isn’t a personality quiz to help you assess your likeability. Rather, it’s a challenge to be more like Christ.

 Likeability for the Wrong Reasons
Think about leaders you know who are likeable. Who are they? Can you picture their faces? Now think about what makes them truly likeable. What makes you want to be more like them?

Mother Teresa is an example of someone who was truly likeable. What caused people to trust her and want to be like her? We know her actions were admirable, but it wasn’t simply her actions that made her likeable; it was her motives.

Mother Teresa’s motive was not to be liked or famous. She didn’t love people so they would admire her or say nice things about her. She didn’t try to sell books, gain fans or build a Twitter following. Her motives were love and looking more like Christ. And that’s exactly the point.

I think most of us can agree we want people to like us. But when popularity is our motive, we’re missing the bigger picture. When we’re kind, loving or even likeable so others will honor us, we miss out on the blessings God would have given us if He had been our motive instead of the accolades. Our goal is to become more like Jesus and, in turn, draw more people to Him. Likeability is always the by-product of that. 

A Leadership Challenge
When I talk with other leaders about Jesus and likeability, they usually say something like this: “Wait, but people hated Jesus for His faith. They even killed Him!”

And my response is always, “Yes, He was hated by some, but this wasn’t because He was difficult to get along with.”

Jesus’ detractors couldn’t honestly accuse Him of being egotistical, aloof or selfish. They disliked Him because His sheer existence revealed the ways in which they were falling short. They hated Him because He challenged their traditional understanding of right and wrong. They hated Him because He confused, confounded and messed up the system they had carefully put in place.

If people find fault with our leadership for those reasons, I’d say we’re doing something right. However, if they hate us for being proud, judgmental, rude or mean, something is wrong.

To spend our energy trying to get everyone to like us is a waste of time. But we can, collectively, accept the responsibility God has given us to act with kindness, regardless of whom we’re interacting with and where we fall on any given social, political or biblical issue. As leaders, our mission includes living with personal conviction, promoting unity within the body of Christ and reflecting the love of Jesus to those around us. 

What Likeability Is and Isn’t
Why are some people more likeable than others? If the number of likes we get on social media can change based on how we interact there, is it possible to become more likeable by changing the way we interact in real life?

Being a likeable leader isn’t about becoming a celebrity or winning a popularity contest. Rather, it’s about treating people with love and respect, as Jesus would have treated them. It’s about discovering principles that make us the most admirable and spiritually thriving version of ourselves.

Becoming a likeable leader isn’t about pandering to the needs and agendas of others. It isn’t about being a people pleaser or a doormat, or begging for affirmation. It isn’t about gaining a large following so we can feel important or competent. It isn’t about using others for our own personal gain.

Jesus didn't overturn tables while standing on the street corner, watching sinners pass by. He overturned tables when He saw religious leaders abusing their power.  

People are quick to remind me that Jesus acted in ways that were unpopular and sometimes downright offensive. They often cite the passage in which He overturned the money tables in the temple. Flipping over tables isn’t exactly loveable behavior. It’s not gentle or kind. It is condemning and forceful. Jesus was angry over the sin He saw in His Father’s temple, and He made His feelings more than clear.

When we use this incident as an excuse to express similar rage over other people’s sin, we fail to consider why Jesus was angry. He didn’t overturn tables because of the Samaritan woman’s sin. He didn’t overturn tables while standing on the street corner, watching sinners pass by. He overturned tables when He saw religious leaders abusing their power.

That’s a distinction that gives me great pause. The hypocrisy of the people who claimed to be His followers frustrated Jesus. Rather than protecting and loving the downtrodden and weak, religious leaders were taking advantage of them in a complete abuse of power.

When we’re tempted to use this story as justification for our own actions, we need to pause and reflect. Why are we angry? Why do we want to overturn tables, and what does our anger do to help the situation? Are we angry about the injustices God’s people are suffering? Are we angry with them for being sinners? The first feels much different from the second. The first is more likeable, more loving and much closer to what Jesus modeled for us.

We can’t bully someone into changing. We aren’t speaking the truth in love if all we do is judge the sinner and call out their sin. This response to sin will not gain us likeability among unbelievers. It rarely convinces sinners of God’s love. An unbeliever’s heart is more likely to change when we share the message of how Jesus’ love changed us and how He wants to change others — no matter the sin, no matter the circumstance. Speaking the truth in love increases our likeability quotient.

This isn’t easy. Our likeability as leaders is never harder to maintain than when we see people we care about living in blatant sin and rebellion toward God. We feel the tension between loving them and confronting them over their sinfulness.

I imagine some of you are thinking: So, you’re saying if we see someone living a sinful life, we should just ignore it? If we ignore it, aren’t we also condoning it?

Jesus didn’t disregard sin. He didn’t congratulate the Samaritan woman for her lifestyle or give her a high-five and tell her to get back out and continue sinning. The woman’s sin grieved Jesus. Otherwise, He wouldn’t have mentioned it to her (John 4:16–18).Yet Jesus sat down with sinners. He spent time with them and healed them. His love, attention and devotion had no limit, regardless of what someone had done or 

continued to do. He didn’t shame people into submission — He just loved them, and His love changed them. That’s what likeability is about.

We don’t have to be the loudest, angriest, most passionate or zealous leaders on the planet. Our job is to be the most loving people on the planet — because love changes everything.

Can you imagine what would happen if people actually recognized us as Christians by our love? I have a feeling the world would see us in a much different light.

Likeability Is a Marathon, Not a Sprint
John 15 contains one of Jesus’ most memorable metaphors for His relationship to the Church: “I am the vine; you are the branches” (verse 5).

When we're kind, loving or even likeable so others will honor us, we miss out on the blessings God would have given us if He had been our motive instead of the accolades. 

 He’s talking about grapevines, which were a staple crop in ancient Israel, especially in the region of Galilee. Growing grapes isn’t easy. Viticulturists follow a complicated process and work hard to grow perfect grapes. Pruning them for best results is an art. Over time, the plants become stronger and more fruitful. The best vines have been producing grapes for decades. Growing grapevines isn’t an instantaneous process; it takes a long time and a lot of patience.

The same is true for developing likeability. We’d prefer to think it’s a short-term project rather than a lengthy process. But true likeability takes time to develop. As with any personal growth area we pursue, reaping an abundant harvest requires diligence and patience. That’s the path to greatness.

We don’t become better leaders overnight. A weekend conference isn’t enough to make us perfectly disciplined leaders. Quality leadership characteristics develop over time as we tend, grow and prune our spiritual lives — and then grow and prune some more.

This is a lifelong journey. It’s a marathon, not a sprint. Sprinting into likeability — promoting ourselves and constantly looking around to see who is noticing — doesn’t produce real fruit. Sprint likeability is faux likeability. Our motives are crucial to genuine likeability. In fact, they’re the foundation for all Christlike attributes. 

Conclusion
Likeability is not about being the perfect leader — it’s about following Christ and being amazed as likeability follows. It requires nothing more than living like Christ, doing what He did and loving people the way He did. When we focus on those simple goals, and make Christ our model for how to treat people and how to live, we simply are more likeable.

Jesus lived out the principles of likeability in healthy ways during His ministry on Earth, and so can we.