A well-meaning ministry friend once gave my husband, Wayne, this advice: “Never let your wife be on staff. It’s too hard on the other team members who are not related to you.”

While my first reaction was to be defensive, I realized this was spoken by someone who had legitimately worked in an unhealthy situation. Ultimately, it helped us evaluate some of the pitfalls and advantages of working together.

Is it the best thing for husbands and wives, fathers and sons, and other relatives to work together on a church staff? Many industries are built around a family line of work. Insurance and funeral homes are common family businesses, while military and police families often pass down the sense of duty.

I was blessed to grow up in a missionary home where my parents always ministered side by side, and overall that has given me a positive view of working together.

I spoke with Scott Wilson, senior pastor of The Oaks Fellowship in Red Oak, Texas. Over the years, he has worked with his father, brothers, in-laws, wife and sons.

“God lays out a model in the Book of Leviticus,” Wilson says. “Look at the Levitical priesthood. God caused a family to learn from the father, then turn around and teach it to his sons. It was a calling that was passed down from generation to generation.

“I had a dream, early in my ministry years, that I was standing at the pulpit, and others couldn’t see I was standing on my father’s shoulders. That concept has become the driving concept in my life: That the younger generation, including my sons, would learn everything I have, and become bigger, better and stronger in each generation.”

Families working together in ministry is common in missions, and often happens in pastoral work. While there are compelling examples of this in Scripture, it doesn’t mean that it’s always easy in practice. The following practical thoughts apply not only to husbands and wives, but to anyone in ministry who works with family members.

You will always have more privilege than you realize. Real or perceived, if you are the wife or son or daughter, other staff members will always feel that you have an advantage.

The fact is, you do. Other people don’t get to go home at night and share their personal perspective with the lead pastor. Other people don’t intuitively understand what the leader means, but you do because you know that person best. Other people may not receive the same empathy toward trying circumstances, because the leader doesn’t know all the personal details. Just being aware of this helps.

You will always have more responsibility than others realize. I shared through a previous article in this series about wearing different hats — the staff pastor hat, the pastor’s wife hat, and others. On top of my own roles, one of my most important is that of sounding board to my spouse. Sometimes the load of it all, especially the unspoken needs and rules, weigh heavily on me.

It’s powerful when you walk together in the calling of who God has gifted you to be.

Women, even in the most equitable marriages, usually have added responsibilities at home. Navigating the balance of my family’s needs versus my job is a tension every working woman faces, not just women in ministry. This isn’t a flag to wave, or a Facebook post to vent.

It’s important to have relationships with other ministry women where we can navigate these issues. It’s part of the calling and responsibility, and it’s also what I have chosen since I want to be on staff.

You must earn respect. Even if a staff position is granted, it takes time to win respect of the staff and leaders.

When Wilson’s sons came on staff, he told them: “You have to be nicer, kinder and be a hero-maker more than a hero. There are going to be people who criticize, but if you do your job, you will earn their respect. I can’t pretend you’re just like everyone else; that will never be true. But you don’t get a pass to be idiots, either.”

You should put yourself in the shoes of others. If you have the privilege of working with family members who are the leaders of the organization, be fair. Don’t create a different set of rules for yourself and your family than for other non-related staff members.

This can be especially frustrating as it relates to time off, both formal and informal. It’s also hard to duplicate the access that family receives, but leaders who are mindful of this can forge close staff relationships by giving them access.

If there are other couples working on staff together or in separate departments, be mindful of what their family time looks like. A few years back, a friend of mine had given birth to her third child, and she was really feeling the strain of working four days a week at the church. Her pastor called her in and asked how she was doing with the transition. He then offered to let her keep her salary and work three days a week instead of four.

There was nothing greater he could have done to inspire her loyalty and commitment to the job than notice what she was going through and accommodate it. This is particularly true for Millennials, for whom work-life balance is a top priority.

It’s not always easy to work together, but it’s powerful when you walk together in the calling of who God has gifted you to be. This thing called ministry is not a right; it is a privilege. I’m grateful to be part of it, alongside my husband, parents, siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents.

We may be in different places and different roles, but the mission is the same — to give ourselves away so that others may know Christ. This is our family’s lifework, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

See also, "Spouse on Staff, Part 1: The Importance of Defining Roles" and "Spouse on Staff, Part 2: Dealing with Disagreement."