Every minister performs their fair share of funerals. Of these, the majority will be from your congregation or close circle of family and friends. They will be people you know well or have spent time with beforehand, even if only for a short amount.

But there will come a time when you are called upon to perform a funeral for someone you’ve never met. Maybe a member of your congregation was close to them, but they never visited your church. Or perhaps the local funeral home has called to request you perform the ceremony for a family who has no church home.

These situations can be stressful and tense, especially when you’re not sure what you’re walking into or agreeing to beforehand. Here are some helpful tips to follow to make sure this experience is a positive one for all involved.

1. Get to Know the Family
Schedule a time to meet with the family and close friends to get to know them better. This is a time to interact with them while they grieve, so make sure you use your highest degree of tact and respect. Even though you may not know the family at all, you can still show empathy towards their loss, a universal emotion that we all experience at some time in our lives.

This meeting should be face-to-face unless time or distance makes it impossible. If your schedule doesn’t allow for a personal meeting, then perhaps you’re too busy to do the service and you should suggest they find someone else. It only makes sense to start off on the right foot, and prioritizing anything ahead of the family's grieving would leave a bad impression.

2. Ask Them for Stories
When you meet with the family and close friends, ask for stories. In fact, that meeting time could be best spent just having them share one story after another. It’s okay to have a notepad handy to jot down the details. They would expect you to. But listen intently as the survivors open up about their most treasured memories and fondest moments with this loved one.

These stories should form the structure of your funeral sermon. I’m sure you have a standard biblical message for every funeral. Make time during that message to relay some of the stories you just heard. Many in attendance may have never heard them before, and those that know them well will use this time as a way to remember and mourn.

3. Keep the Service Positive
No matter the cause of death or details leading up to it, make sure to keep the message on a positive note. You may be walking into a situation that includes high drama and deep tragedy. Through the tragedy, keep the attention on the love family and friends shared about the deceased.

No matter the cause of death or details leading up to it, make sure to keep the message on a positive note.

You may feel the need to use a negative example from this person’s death as a morality lesson or gateway to share the gospel. This may or may not be appropriate. Only do so after sharing the brightest and most hopeful parts of this person’s life.

4. Respect the Family’s Wishes
Which leads to the next point, respect the wishes of the dearly departed’s family. I know that many ministers expect to be able to share a gospel message or even a salvation invitation at all funerals they conduct. However, when it comes to someone you’ve never met and whose family you don’t know, may I suggest this isn’t always the wisest option?

If the family wishes that you not use this ceremony as a gospel invitation, please respect those wishes. During your face-to-face time with the family and afterwards as you help them grieve, you will have plenty of opportunity to share God with them. And even during the message you will be able to share a clear picture of the cross of Christ. But if you step over the bounds of the family's desires, you may do more harm than good.

5. Make Yourself Available
Finally, be there for the family. You probably have never met them before and you’re trying to get to know them during their darkest days. But just being there as an ear to listen, a pastor to pray, and a friend who cares is more than enough.

Make yourself available during the viewing and visitation to get to know the family. Arrive early at the funeral to help in any way you can. Be attentive at the graveside, looking for ways you can comfort anyone there. And be present at the reception, greeting guests cordially but respectfully.

Funerals are difficult times for family and friends of the deceased. Having an attentive minister on hand who is respectful and professional is one less thing they have to worry about. Whenever you perform a funeral, whether for a close friend or someone you never met, you have the opportunity to minister in a very unique way. Use that opportunity to clearly show Christ to those around you.