As a minister, you put yourself in the crosshairs and open yourself to criticism daily. It may come from someone approaching you after a sermon to tell you about all the words you pronounced wrong, a volunteer who disagrees with your leadership style, or a parent who says you aren’t spiritually feeding his or her child. If you think about it, dealing with criticism is part of the job description.

If criticism is inevitable, you should learn how to hear it correctly and handle it appropriately. Criticism is like bad-tasting medicine. It goes down hard, but it can produce good results. Even when it’s unfair or unsolicited, criticism can provide an opportunity for growth.

Here are four steps to take the next time you hear criticism. It takes a lot of maturity to handle it right. But when you can master these steps, you will be better prepared to grow, both as a minister and a follower of Jesus.

Listen

The first thing you should do is listen. There’s a difference between hearing and listening, though. To hear criticism means that a critic spoke and you were within earshot, whether you were paying attention or not. Maybe you let it slide right on by. And truth be told, some criticism should run off your back like water. But when you listen to criticism, really listen; you can learn something about yourself.

Listening to criticism means remaining silent while the other person talks. Your first reaction may be to jump in, cut off the conversation, defend yourself or just clarify something. Don’t. Instead, let the other person talk from start to finish. Perhaps by the time your critic finishes, he or she will no longer believe the unfair remarks.

A person who feels strongly about a point before a confrontation may soften and realize he or she is wrong after vocalizing it, especially when you remain gracious and kind.

In any case, just listening to criticism can be an act of growth for you. Whenever someone takes the time to speak to you, that person deserves to be heard. And practicing active listening will always make you better at honoring people. In our culture of instant reaction and comment, listening has become a lost art that is highly prized when done correctly.

Say, “Thank You”

Once your critic finishes speaking, the first thing out of your mouth should be, “Thank you.” The criticism may be unfair. You may not agree with it. You might have mentally poked 20 holes in the argument while the person was talking. But this individual took the time to approach you, and that probably took some courage. Expressing appreciation can be an act of grace.

Even when it’s unfair or unsolicited, criticism can provide an opportunity for growth.

Mature ministers are able to lead with gratitude in every situation. Think about receiving a gift you don’t like, a meal that tasted horrible, or a compliment that seemed backhanded. You always say, “Thank you” in those situations because you honor the intent over the content of the gift. If you see criticism as a gift, the same principle applies.

Sure, there are always those who criticize for the wrong reasons. But giving the benefit of the doubt is a sign of maturity.

Evaluate

Not all criticism is equally valid or helpful. Constructive criticism is welcome and produces great benefits. Destructive criticism can stick with you, though. It’s important to know which is which. That’s why you should remain quiet while you evaluate what someone just said to you.

Perhaps you’ve heard that before you speak, you should ask yourself these three questions: Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it kind? I think you can use those same questions when evaluating what others say to you.

First, is the criticism true? Know yourself, your skills and your faults well enough to answer that honestly. Next, is it necessary? Maybe there’s an opportunity to apply this criticism in the future. If not, the person probably shouldn’t have said it. Finally, is it kind? Some criticism is meant to be helpful, while other critics just mean to be mean. Evaluate the spirit in which a person speaks.

You may have to ask some questions to evaluate what a person is even saying. But steer clear of close-ended or accusatory questions. Say things like, “Let me make sure I hear you right,” or “Are you saying that I … ?” to make sure you’re on the same page. What sometimes separates helpful and hurtful criticism is simply a correct understanding of the communication.

Respond

Finally, respond to the criticism. There may be some kernel of truth that leads to growth, something that will help you become a better preacher, leader, minister or Christian. Or there may not. Your evaluation will tell you which way to go.

Here’s one way to think about it: Make changes if you need to, but shut it down if you have to. In other words, apply the criticism in the most constructive way. Use it as a tool for growth. You might even invite the person to give you more feedback as you strive to improve.

But there are times when you need to shut down a critic. It depends on the person’s motivation for approaching you. The messenger may in fact be a wolf in sheep’s clothing, trying to undermine you and the Lord’s work. In that case, allow no room for the person to do damage. Apply church discipline when necessary. But shut it down at the source.

No one likes to hear criticism. Of course, no one likes going to the doctor or taking a car to a mechanic either. Some of the most helpful things hurt a lot. If we apply the right approach to hearing criticism, we can become better ministers and give ourselves room for greater growth.