As leaders, we go through many different seasons on our leadership journey. Each season has unique challenges and opportunities for us to grow and gain strength and perspective. But each season also presents an opportunity for us to become isolated as leaders. When we approach the difficult moments in our ministry, it’s easy for us to “get in our bunker and hunker.” But it’s in those times that we need to look outside of ourselves more than ever.

With any journey, it’s never good to go it alone. Whether it’s a trek across the desert or a trip across town, journeys are always better — and safer — when we have someone along for the ride.

The strength of our relationships is the lifeblood of our success. Meeting regularly with people in the same phase of life and career as us can provide optimum energy. When we face similar challenges together, we can sharpen each other for the task. But if you only have peer support you are missing out on key relationships.

I’ve been blessed to have key people in my life at various levels of engagement. People I call weekly, others who I meet with a few times a year, and still others whose impact greatly outweighs the amount of time I’ve spent with them face-to-face. I’ve found a few specific people who serve specific roles in my life.

I want to share with you three relationships that every healthy leader needs. These are the roles that I’ve looked to fill in my life with strong people who are confidants and encouragers. I pray you can find the same types of people in these roles.

Coach
The coaching relationship is perhaps the most formal relationship you will fill. This is a very specific person providing specific guidance for a specific task.

Think of the role of a coach in the NFL. Head coaches get the blame or acclaim when their team loses or wins. But some of the most unsung heroes of Super Bowl winning teams are assistant coaches. In football, there are coaches for specific areas — quarterbacks coach, linebackers coach, even a wide receivers coach. They provide specific guidance to that specific area to get specific results.

That’s what you’re looking for in a coach. And you will need to budget for this. That means setting aside time and finances if needed. This is an investment worth making.

When it comes to a coaching relationship, you’re looking for the specific outcomes and deliverables from each side. Both you and the coach will be responsible for something. They provide guidance, and you provide results. For the most part, the focus will be on professional development, but it can go even further than that. You may be coached in the area of personal finances, interpersonal relationships or even parenting.

Mentor
This is a less structured relationship than a coach but not less important. You will have a deeper relational connection with a mentor, and they will have a deeper emotional investment with you. You may meet on a regular basis, or you may just grab some time when you can.

The best way to pay back a coach, mentor, or father is to do the same for someone else.

Some of the most important mentoring moments in my life happen over a cup of coffee. A mentor is often just there to ask questions, see how your month is going, and then offer sage advice to help lead you. It’s not at all uncommon to leave a mentoring session with the thought, “We didn’t really talk about my job, but I feel so much more confident about it now.”

A mentor can provide help with professional advancement and personal development, but they can also provide spiritual accountability. That’s what makes this type of relationship so beneficial. Unlike a coach, the areas covered don’t have to be specific. But with that being said, make sure that your relationship and time spent together is well defined. Never go into a mentoring relationship — whether you’re the mentor or the mentee — without a clear understanding of what that relationship entails.

Father
A spiritual father is a long term, deeply committed relationship. There is a high degree of trust in this relationship corresponding to the high level of emotional and spiritual commitment. This is a person who is in it for the long haul.

Caring is the hallmark of this type of relationship. A spiritual father cares about you and invests in every aspect of your life. In return, you should show deep appreciation and gratitude for them. Just as we are commanded to honor our biological mother and father, we should show the same level of respect to our spiritual father.

Because this role is so important, you should do all you can to seek this person out in your life. For many of us there is someone who naturally fits this role. Perhaps they were our pastor growing up or the person who led us to Christ. Maybe they were the one who guided us through our higher education or pastored the first church we were on staff at. But for others, maybe you don’t have someone in your life who naturally fits this criterion. If that’s the case, seek them out through prayer.

So now I have to ask, who’s serving these roles in your life? Do you find yourself lacking in some area and need to find a coach, a mentor or a spiritual father? Don’t be afraid to ask someone to step into that role for you.

On the flip side, as you continue to grow as a healthy leader ask yourself how you can serve in one of these roles for others. The best way to pay back a coach, mentor, or father is to do the same for someone else. By paying it forward you have the opportunity to extend your leadership into the future.