My kids absolutely love the show American Ninja Warrior. It’s an obstacle course where super-fit competitors have to maintain their balance while beating a number of challenges in record time. Competitors may run over barrels in water, move across a greasy beam holding on by their fingernails, and then scale a 20-foot wall. This is a great picture of parenting in the ministry.

We must be equipped not only to meet multiple simultaneous obstacles, but also to keep our balance through the entire course while we handle life at breakneck speed. It’s about movement, health and strength in the face of ever-changing challenges. Ministry families face so many pressures, and not all issues are right or wrong, cut and dried.

So I’ve asked some great friends who have done it well to give me their thoughts on raising kids in the ministry. Doug and Rachel McAllister have raised six kids while they planted and pastored Journey Church in the Greater New Orleans area since 1996.

Last year, Doug spoke for our leadership team about raising kids. It was such a valuable session that I asked him if I could share some of those thoughts here. He calls these “Rachel’s rules to K.E.E.P. your family whole in ministry.”

A powerful passage of Scripture lays the foundation for these principles: “Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hand and bind them on your foreheads. Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates, so that your days and the days of your children may be many in the land the Lord swore to give your ancestors, as many as the days that the heavens are above the earth” (Deuteronomy 11:18-21).

K: Kids get to be kids. “We never forced our kids to do ministry,” Doug says. It’s easy for ministry parents to fall into a pattern of making kids take on jobs around the church, especially in a smaller setting where nursery workers and sound techs are scarce. But children need time to grow and explore, without the adult pressures of taking on unwanted ministry chores.

Rachel was also careful not to allow people in the congregation to correct her children. After all, she says, parenting their children was the McAllisters' God-given responsibility — not someone else’s. They refused to let others put pressures and expectations on their children.

Wayne and I often tell our kids, “We don’t do things or not do things because we’re pastors, but because we’re Christians.” Expectations that stand alone simply because of our role probably aren’t worth paying attention to, no matter how good the intentions may be of those who put such burdens on us.

If we stop pastoring or go through transition, we don’t take a break from our lifestyle choices and our walk with God. This also extends to our choices regarding education.

We will experience heartache and triumph along the way as we guide our children through each stage.

The ministry is more emotionally challenging than we can explain to people, and what’s right for one family may not work for another. Some families choose public school, others home-school, and still others do private school. Sometimes we need to reevaluate it each year for each child. That’s OK; let your kids be the kids God designed them to be.

These decisions are between your family and God — not members of your church with strong opinions about your children’s education.

E: Engage in ministry together. While Doug and Rachel didn’t require their kids to do ministry, they wanted to show the joy that ministry brings.

“We always wanted to model and cultivate a servant’s heart,” Rachel says. Now that most of the McAllister kids are grown, they are all involved in Journey Church across three campuses. They have helped each child find a place of purpose, whether in worship, children’s ministry or another area. The McAllister children now serve the church because they want to.

E: Escape regularly to reunite. Taking their cue from the passage in Deuteronomy, the McAllisters prioritized family times such as these:

• Eating daily meals together. Now that their children are grown, they do lunch together on Sundays.
• Driving to and from school. Some of the most important conversations happen during drive times. When Doug’s kids were growing up, he made a commitment to leave the office by 2:30 in the afternoon so he could be the one to pick them up and hear about the highlights of the day.
• Talking at bedtime. This is a great time for one-on-one stories and conversation, and an opportunity to connect individually with each child.
• Observing a regular Sabbath time together.
• Taking vacations together. This has been a mainstay for my husband, Wayne, and me as well. As church planters we’ve had to get creative about funding vacations, but God has opened some great doors. We’ve borrowed houses, asked for discounts, and driven instead of flying to make it possible to get away with our children for at least eight to 10 days each summer.

P: Protect their faith and destiny. As parents, we must be on the front lines for our children when the enemy tries to destroy the work of God in their lives.

Recently, a friend told us that when his 16-year-old daughter was in a difficult time after a major move, they borrowed the money to send her to spend time with trusted people of God over the summer. It was unconventional, but it was the right thing for that moment.

God worked deeply in the daughter's life that summer, and it forever changed her in a positive way. Parents play a powerful role in helping our children discover the reason God created them.

Ministering while raising emotionally and spiritually healthy kids isn’t easy. Some days it feels like an impossibly difficult obstacle course, complete with pitfalls, steep slopes and slippery handholds. But with God’s strength and empowering presence, we can do this. Our kids can grow into adults who love God and the ministry.

We will experience heartache and triumph along the way as we guide our children through each stage. It takes more than 20 years to build a fully developed human being, by the time they get through college and reach independence.

When you’re in the midst of parenting, it can seem like a long way to the finish line. Just remember that God is right there running alongside you — and no challenge or obstacle is too big for Him.

This is Part 1 of a three-part series on family and ministry life.