When Jill Fullstone stopped attending church, it wasn’t an abrupt departure. She had children, her husband wasn’t interested in church, and life often felt overwhelming.

Fullstone knew she wanted church to be a part of her children’s lives, even though she was losing interest herself. She found a church with a big kids’ program, but Fullstone never got involved in the life of the congregation.

By the time her kids reached youth group, Fullstone often dropped them off and left, feeling the church had nothing to offer her. Eventually, she stopped attending entirely.

Fullstone’s experience is increasingly common. Women are leaving church at higher rates than ever, and not necessarily because they’ve become hostile to religion or plan to deconvert.

From 2003–19, weekly church attendance among female adults in the U.S. shrank from 48% to 31%, a decline of 17 percentage points, according to Barna Group. Men’s attendance fell 6 percentage points, from 37% to 31%, during that same period.

While the share of women and men attending weekly is now statistically equal, women have left church at nearly three times the rate of men in recent years. This exodus of women is troubling.

Church attendance across the U.S. has been in decline for decades. Yet the rate at which female participation is falling begs the question: What is going on with women?

According to data from Pew Research Center, women are generally more likely than men to attend church at least part of the time. Women are also more inclined to pray, read the Bible, and say religion is an important part of their lives. So what is causing many women to withdraw from regular attendance?

In researching a book I wrote on the topic, I sifted through quantitative surveys and interviewed women who have struggled with church attendance or stopped attending altogether. The results were telling.

Pain and Trauma

Many women cite painful or traumatic experiences as the primary reason they stopped attending church. Some are still reeling from spiritual, emotional, or even sexual abuse they experienced in church growing up. Others say they were shut down as adults for asking too many questions.

It can be hard to convince these women there are healthy, welcoming churches where they can find community, love, and healing.

The pain doesn’t always come from personal church experiences. Stories in recent years of sexual abuse and sexual misconduct among clergy members have led some women to question whether church is a safe place for them and their children.

A quarter of women in the U.S. have experienced rape or attempted rape, and one-third have been sexually harassed in a public place, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. When church leaders fail to take these issues seriously — choosing to defend the guilty instead of protecting the vulnerable — women notice. And for many, the pain feels intensely personal.

In the wake of sexual abuse scandals within the Catholic Church, 80% of Catholic women from 104 countries said the church was not doing enough to address the problem. In addition, 90% called for more action to stop other forms of abuse, such as spiritual abuse and abuse of power.

Unless leaders give women reasons to show up and places
to serve and belong,
the decline in female attendance will continue.

One woman quoted in the International Survey of Catholic Women report said, “I have suffered great harm. If the church does not make amends for the harm it caused, it will not survive.”

In a 2019 Lifeway Research survey of Protestants attending church at least once a month, 5% of respondents said they had stopped attending a church because they felt leaders did not take sexual misconduct seriously. And 4% reported leaving a church because they did not feel safe from sexual misconduct.

No one should have to feel unsafe in church.

Doubt and Disillusionment

Faith crises cause people of both genders to drift from church. Expressions of doubt can make congregants and leaders uncomfortable, which leaves some members feeling like outsiders. As a result, many doubters simply stop attending.

Deconstruction — a process that involves questioning certain aspects of faith, or dismantling faith entirely — is a popular topic online. A number of websites and life coaches cater specifically to women who feel out of place in church and want to shed evangelical culture, if not Christianity.

Among 18- to 25-year-olds, slightly more women than men now identify as religiously unaffiliated (49% versus 46%), according to Ryan Burge, a political science researcher and author of The Nones: Where They Came From, Who They Are, and Where They Are Going.

In The Struggle to Stay: Why Single Evangelical Women Are Leaving the Church, author Katie Gaddini says single women in particular often feel excluded in churches that emphasize marriage, families, and traditional gender roles.

Gaddini also cites male-dominated leadership structures as a source of disillusionment among women who are reconsidering their church affiliations.

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, women make up a majority of people 25 and older with at least four years of college education (53% in 2021). Yet women remain underrepresented in leadership positions across many parts of society, including the Church.

Lack of Discipleship

In my conversations with women who are leaving church, I’ve noticed many do not understand why church attendance and Christian fellowship matter. This is symptomatic of a lack of discipleship.

Church leaders must prioritize teaching the foundational lessons of faith and instilling in congregants the reasons we gather. Unfortunately, many churchgoers see houses of worship as existing to serve them — and some churches have reinforced this narrative by entertaining rather than equipping the saints.

The Bible tells us to meet, engage in fellowship, pray together, support one another, and live in community. Many churchgoers show up only to hear sermons, failing to realize this is merely one portion of what it means to be part of a church.

When people are not invested as members of the congregation, serving and living in biblical community, they can easily find reasons to leave.

This is especially true for women, who often feel overworked, overlooked, and overwhelmed. Some are struggling to get kids out the door on Sunday mornings. Others are attending church alone and wondering where they fit in. If they don’t understand the mission of the local church or recognize the value of coming back week after week, some of these women will give up on attending.

“I always liked going to church,” Kira, a 23-year-old mother of two told me. “But my husband doesn’t go, and I work a lot of weekends, so we really don’t go anymore.”

There are things church leaders can do to make it easier for women like Kira to attend, such as offering multiple service options. But unless leaders also give women reasons to show up and places to serve and belong, the decline in female attendance will continue.

In a culture of skepticism and deconstruction,
women are seeking answers about
their faith.

Discomfort

Finding a new church is an obvious alternative to leaving church entirely. But such moves are hard. Even seasoned churchgoers often feel awkward about entering new worship spaces.

Every church has a unique set of rituals and schedules, even if the differences are small. In some buildings, finding classrooms, restrooms, and sanctuary entrances is perplexingly difficult.

Church transitions are especially challenging for women who are dropping off kids in unfamiliar childcare environments. If the process is difficult to navigate or the system doesn’t feel secure, the first visit will likely be the last.

Lifestyle Changes

Of course, women are also neglecting church attendance for some of the same reasons as men, including habit and apathy.

Church attendance has been trending downward for years across many demographics. The local church is no longer a mainstay of American society, and many women have adopted cultural habits of spending Sunday mornings at home or attending sporting events.

The pandemic has not helped matters. COVID created significant disruptions for women, many of whom served as frontline workers and caregivers. As schools went online, some mothers had to leave work or adjust their schedules to care for children at home.

Amid the upheaval, many discarded church attendance. Some still have not returned to a house of worship. Others show up only sporadically.

In a March 2022 report from Pew Research Center, 12% of those who described themselves as regular church attenders said they had not participated in a service within the past month — either online or in person.

Turning the Tide

What can church leaders do about this concerning trend? Many women who have stopped attending are still Christians and seem open to returning. There may be some ways to bring them back — and keep others from leaving.

Cultivate safe, healing environments. Make first impressions that will help put newcomers at ease, especially when it comes to caring for their kids. Be sure your children’s areas are clean, safe, and secure.

Create and follow appropriate policies for addressing sexual harassment and assault. Immediately report any allegations of criminal behavior to the police.

Small groups can provide opportunities for women to make friends, share their stories, and begin the process of healing from whatever church wounds they may have experienced.

Parishioners who are struggling from severe trauma might also need a referral to a Christian counselor. Keep a list of qualified professionals on hand.

Make room for dialogue. In a culture of skepticism and deconstruction, women are seeking answers about their faith. Let them know it is OK to ask questions and discuss their doubts. Listen respectfully, and provide clear, biblical teaching.

Provide space for honest discussions about a range of topics, whether cultural, personal, or theological. Such exchanges can happen in the context of small group meetings, mentoring relationships, and perhaps even pastoral counseling sessions.

Practice inclusivity. Include women in every area of church leadership, from the pastoral team to the deacon board. Not only will this communicate that your church values the contributions of women, but it will also bring new perspectives and insights to your team.

Churches with male pastors and majority male leadership teams can inadvertently neglect the needs of women. Including women in leadership will make it easier to identify and address such blind spots.

Pray specifically
about how to help
the women in your
congregation and
community.

Give women opportunities to preach, whether that means asking a staff member or parishioner to fill in or welcoming a guest speaker.

Consider the various kinds of women represented in your congregation, including never-married women, business professionals, missionaries, graduate students, caregivers, and retirees. Use sermon illustrations, stories, Bible narratives, and testimonies that highlight godly women from all walks of life. Be sure every woman knows there is a place for her in the congregation and in the kingdom of God.

Close discipleship gaps. Educate your congregants about the purpose of church attendance. A seeker-friendly focus may bring in new people, but if these individuals never move beyond a consumer mindset, they will have little reason to keep coming when it feels easier to stay home.

As members of the body of Christ, we have responsibilities to one another. When women understand the biblical reasons we gather, they are more likely to commit to church involvement and work through the challenges of showing up.

Welcome women. From creating and maintaining an informative, welcoming website to ensuring those at the front door are warm, engaging, and attuned to the needs of new attendees, do what you can to make it easier for people to come to church for the first time — or the thousandth time.

Clear signage, name badges for staff members and volunteers, quality children’s ministries, and a follow-up card or phone call can go a long way toward bringing visitors or infrequent attenders back to church.

Pray specifically about how to help the women in your congregation and community. Take the time to listen to women, asking how the church can best support them.

Make it clear that both women and men can serve and lead in your church. Develop a vibrant women’s ministry, where women from diverse backgrounds and stages of life can engage in fellowship, study, and discipleship together. Whenever possible, provide childcare for church activities so mothers can more easily attend.

Attendance statistics don’t reveal what is happening in the lives of individuals. Each woman has a unique life story and faith journey. By listening to women, learning about their circumstances and concerns, and ministering to them where they are, you can reach them one by one — and keep them coming back.

The women visiting your church may be single and childless, raising young kids, or navigating life as empty nesters. They may be stay-at-home moms, surgeons, soldiers, or CEOs. Regardless of their differences, they all have needs your ministries can meet and gifts your church can use.

In 2021, something began to shift for Fullstone. Rather than just sending her kids to church, she felt a desire to start attending again herself. Fullstone tried to ignore it, but the tugging at her heart continued.

Finally, Fullstone started trying out some new churches, searching for a good fit for both her and her family. She finally discovered a small congregation that made her feel welcome and comfortable.

More than a year later, Fullstone and her husband are serving on the welcome team together, their kids are involved in the youth group, and their new church friends are walking with them as they grow in discipleship.

Fullstone is glad she returned to church. If local churches are intentional about ministering to them, many women who are not currently attending may soon be able to say the same.

This article appears in the Winter 2023 issue of Influence magazine.