Elizabeth Jackson, the mother of President Andrew Jackson, once told her son, “If I should not see you again, I wish you to remember and treasure up some things I have already said to you: In this world you will have to make your own way. To do that you must have friends.”

Unfortunately, friends are often the casualty in a leader’s life. We get so busy, so goal-driven, and so consumed with our callings that we forget the power of life-giving friendships. As a result, many leaders become isolated, depleted, and overwhelmed by the very thing they are called to do. The frenzy crushes our friendships, and the chaos kills our community.

But that’s not the way God designed us to live … or lead. In Hebrews 10:24-25, the writer noted, “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another — and all the more as you see the Day approaching.”

The phrase “spur one another on” means to incite. While this word is often used in a negative way, this passage uses it in a positive manner to imply stimulating or urging one another to do something good — in this case, love and good deeds.

In other words, the writer is challenging his readers to stir up one another. We should stir up one another with an internal attitude of love that produces an external action of good deeds.

Every leader needs to be stirred up, and every leader needs to be a person who stirs up others. It’s a two-way street. When the gift of “stirring up” is active and healthy, we experience the challenge needed to stay sharp, resist laziness, and remain focused and engaged.

However, there’s a second key in this passage that is essential for every leader. The writer says, “But encouraging one another.” Not only should we stir up one another, but we should also lift up one another through the power of encouragement.

There will be seasons in your spiritual life and your leadership journey when you need somebody to lift you up with words of affirmation and appreciation. When you become worn and weary, a friend’s life-giving words can be the water that refreshes your parched soul.

Many leaders become isolated, depleted,
and overwhelmed by the very thing they
are called to do.

Who’s doing that in your life? Who is pulling the best out of you and pouring the best into you? Who is challenging you and cheering you on? Who is stirring you up and lifting you up?

Thankfully, the writer of Hebrews tells us exactly where to find that person (or people). He says, “Not giving up meeting together.” Stirring up and lifting up happens in the context of community with other followers of Jesus.

But notice, the believers this letter was written to had developed a bad habit of “giving up meeting together.” Rather than leaning into community, they were drifting into isolation. The same is true today — even for leaders.

Because of busyness we fail to lean into the community that offers the power needed for refreshing and subsequent flourishing. We’ll even connect digitally, believing it’s an acceptable replacement for genuine relationships. But it’s not the same.

I love technology, but phones can’t fully replace face-to-face connection. In most cases, technology lets me have access to you without having to be accountable to you. Technology lets me have connection with you without experiencing community with you. It cannot fully replace proximity.

Furthermore, content doesn’t replace community. We can access the best content via podcasts (and I listen to plenty of them), but the content of a sermon doesn’t replace the community of a small group.

Something special happens when we meet together, and leaders need this personal connection now more than ever. The struggles and the loneliness of leadership demand that we find a place where we can be stirred up and lifted up.

That’s what the Early Church did. In fact, church members took it to the extreme. Acts 2:46 says, “Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts.They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts.” How often? Every day. Everybody wants friends, but not many want frequency. And yet, frequency increases intimacy in community.

In his book, Leading on Empty, Wayne Cordeiro captured the essence of our struggle with friendship and community. He writes, “Friends are rare these days, but it is not because they have diminished in importance. It is because we have increased in speed. Friendships are not made in the blur of life. They are made in the margins.”

Friendships don’t form without frequency, and frequency doesn’t happen unless we prioritize community. When we do, something beautiful happens. We find a place where we can be stirred up and be lifted up. 

What about you? Who stirs and lifts you up? Let’s flip the coin. Who do you stir and lift up? Both can happen when we find community and lean into it regularly. Even though things may not change overnight, cultivating friendships is essential for leaders who finish well.