I need your help,” the voice on the other end of the telephone said. “It’s my son.”

The concerned father continued: “His drinking is getting worse. His wife left him. He moved back to our house and is not working anymore. And the worst part is, he doesn’t seem to care. He’s spiraling downward, and I don’t know what to do.”

This script was sadly familiar. In my practice as a clinical psychologist and while serving at Adult & Teen Challenge of Texas, I’ve fielded many such calls over the years. Distraught parents, spouses, and others often ask how to help substance-abusing loved ones without enabling their poor choices.

According to the 2022 National Survey on Drug Use and Health, 17.3% of Americans (48.7 million) aged 12 and older battled a substance use disorder during the previous year.

A report from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention estimates there were 107,543 drug overdose deaths during 2023.

The Church is not immune. I have seen addiction ravage countless Christian homes.

So, what’s the best response when a congregant comes to you about a family member’s drug or alcohol problem?

Assessment

First, consider what stage of addiction the family member is describing.

Substance abuse refers to a pattern of drug or alcohol use that leads to negative consequences, including job loss, impaired relationships, and life-threatening situations.

Sustained abuse can turn into dependence — physical and mental reliance on drugs or alcohol. Even when the negative consequences of abuse are extreme, the addict finds it difficult to stop using, experiencing withdrawal symptoms when attempting to do so.

Ask questions to gain a better understanding of the problem. Is the person unable to keep a job? How is substance abuse affecting his or her relationships? In what ways is the addict or others at risk? (For example, the individual may be driving while intoxicated or getting into physical fights.) Has he or she tried to stop using but feels it is impossible?

Also consider the age of the individual. If he or she is a teenager, substance abuse not only contributes to issues such as declining grades, emotional problems, and criminal activity, but it can also affect brain development. This calls for immediate intervention and professional help.

Referrals

Depending on the circumstances, you may recommend non-residential support or a more intensive approach.

If the individual has not yet reached the point of dependence, a trained professional counselor may help him or her work through the underlying issues contributing to substance abuse.

Develop a referral list of licensed chemical dependency counselors (LCDCs) or licensed professional counselors (LPCs) with expertise in treating addiction, ideally from a Christian perspective. Look for counselors who understand and treat trauma as well, since there is a strong link between trauma and addiction.

A support group like Celebrate Recovery or one using Living Free’s Stepping Into Freedom curriculum can help foster a sense of community and accountability. If there are no such programs in your community, consider starting one in your church.

In addition to counseling and a support group, the person struggling with substances will likely need a change in environment, with accountability and no access to substances.

One person’s substance abuse affects the entire household and beyond.

With early intervention and a willingness to make significant lifestyle changes, such assistance can be effective.

If the person has a long history of substance abuse or shows signs of dependence, inpatient detoxification may be necessary.

Consider following up with a residential treatment program like Adult & Teen Challenge. With a 78% success rate among participants two years after completion, Adult & Teen Challenge offers more than 200 residential programs across the nation. These programs offer a safe environment for healing, introspection, mentoring, and counseling, with an abstinence approach to overcoming addiction.

Understanding

When ministering to someone whose family member is dealing with addiction, it’s important to understand the dynamics involved.

One person’s substance abuse affects the entire household and beyond. Family members may become preoccupied with their loved one’s choices and habits. They may feel hurt and confused, not understanding the problem or what caused it.

Tension builds as family members process their emotions in different ways. Some may confront and argue with the addict. Others may withdraw, pretending everything is OK while suffering silently.

Family members often wrestle with guilt, worrying that they may have caused the problem or wondering why they can’t fix it. They may also look for someone or something else to blame.

Seeing a loved one struggle with addiction is a lonely and stressful experience. Especially after repeatedly trying and failing to help, family members may start to believe the situation is hopeless.

Holistic Support

Churchgoers who are living with a family member’s addiction are often reluctant to talk about it for fear of judgment or ostracism. They need to know they are not alone — that they are welcome, loved, and supported in a community of faith.

Talk about addiction during a sermon, offering to pray with anyone who is personally struggling or concerned about a friend or relative.

Provide referrals to a family support group, such as Al-Anon or one using Living Free’s Concerned Persons curriculum. Such groups help friends and family members of addicts process their pain in a semi-structured way with trained facilitators.

Consider hosting a small group that focuses on family members of addicts. Living Free offers churches an effective eight-week small group curriculum called Insight.

Contact your local Adult & Teen Challenge center to learn about community resources it provides and how the ministry can partner with your church to educate and support families.

Invite Teen Challenge representatives to make a presentation at your church to raise awareness about addiction and foster hope for the hurting.

Someone once observed that the opposite of addiction is not sobriety, but community. I love that sentiment.

As vital as professional support is for someone struggling with addiction, nothing takes the place of a family that cares enough to intervene. And those family members need a community of faith backing them with resources, support, love, and prayer.

When addiction hits home for Christian families, the Church can help them overcome shame and take steps toward freedom and healing.

The apostle Paul said church members “should have equal concern for each other” (1 Corinthians 12:25).

As Paul told the believers in Corinth, “If one part suffers, every part suffers with it” (verse 26).

If the pain of one member affects the whole body of Christ, then the issue of addiction is everyone’s problem. This means it is also our privilege to assist people in finding help and hope.

Galatians 6:2 says, “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”

This article appears in the Summer 2024 issue of Influence magazine.