People often steer clear of difficult conversations, hoping the problem or tension will resolve on its own. Whether it’s discussing unmet expectations, engaging in conflict management, or addressing negative behavior, this is an area of leadership many of us try to avoid.

However, I’ve learned over the years that the more challenging conversations I encounter, the more I develop as a leader. These types of discussions are healthy if we approach them appropriately. In fact, they can lead to growth not only in our lives, but also in the lives of others. Of course, any growth can be uncomfortable and painful because it requires change.

In How to Have That Difficult Conversation, Henry Cloud and John Townsend put it this way: “Healthy confrontations help people grow emotionally, relationally, and spiritually. When you bring a problem to someone, something will probably change. … One or both of you gets stretched and helped to become a better person.”

Of course, we have to remember when initiating uncomfortable discussions that we can’t separate our faith from our actions. We are called to demonstrate Christ, even in tense situations. Here are five ways to handle difficult conversations with grace:

1. Be prepared. Before you step into the room, consider how you want to address the situation. Write down the issues at hand, your concerns, and possible next steps. Hard conversations tend to increase emotions and may spark tension. If you’re unprepared for this, you might respond in ways you’ll regret.

This is why it’s important to have an action plan before the conversation starts. Your intent should not be to attack the other person but to understand the situation and reach a conclusion.

In any exchange, we have to think and act with love. Jesus said the second greatest commandment is to “love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:39). Examine your heart and intentions before entering a difficult conversation with someone.

Pray that your actions and words will reflect Christ’s love and that you will have wisdom and discernment. You might also ask other leaders how they have handled similar situations.

2. Listen. Instead of starting the conversation with assumptions or hearsay, invite the other person to share his or her perspective. The goal is to gain understanding. Be intentional about listening without interrupting. Then follow up with questions. Your reactions can determine the outcome.

We are called to demonstrate Christ, even in tense situations.

As James 1:19–20 says, “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.” We can be so sold on our point of view that we don’t take the time to understand the context. This is why it’s crucial to listen.

3. Keep emotions in check. Take yourself out of the situation as much as possible. Be empathetic and understanding, but don’t let anger guide your discussion. Even if someone broke your trust, address the situation as calmly and objectively as possible. If the discussion seems to get heated, take a break and revisit it when everyone has had a chance to cool down.

Ultimately, every aspect of your leadership — your words, actions and responses — should model Christ. Ephesians 4:31–32 says, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

4. Propose ways to move forward. The end goal should never be to destroy the other person. Discuss what the individual can do going forward to make amends or stay on the right track. Involve him or her in the process of deciding how to proceed. When you involve people in the process, you empower them to take responsibility for their actions.

Philippians 2:3–4 says, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”

Although accountability is important, the difficult conversations can be an opportunity to develop people so they can continue to thrive and grow in their roles.

5. Be supportive, and move on. Once you have resolved the issue and planned the next steps, circle back around to see how things are going. This shows you genuinely care about the individual and his or her progress.

After you have adequately addressed the situation, move on from it. Don’t hold it against the other person. Colossians 3:13 says, “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”

Your ultimate goal is to forgive and help spur the other individual toward growth. But remember that these types of encounters can be a process and may take time.

There never is a perfect time to have a difficult conversation. You may worry that engaging in a challenging discussion will harm the relationship. However, you have to think about what is best for you and the other person. If you neglect to address a situation right away, it could do more damage in the long run.