KidMin leaders know that a child’s discipleship should start at home.

The Bible clearly points to this reality (Deuteronomy 4:9; 11:19; Proverbs 22:6; Ephesians 6:4). Yet many parents seem content relegating the responsibility of spiritual instruction to the local church.

It’s a challenging issue for children’s pastors. As tempting as it might be, however, we can’t dismiss family discipleship as an unattainable dream.

A supportive environment can go a long way toward equipping families for success.

Gracious Interaction

Before talking with parishioners about their home lives, we need to examine ourselves.

Frustration is understandable, but directing those feelings toward others is unhelpful.

Parents and guardians need grace, not guilt trips. Recognizing where they are and helping them take steps toward where they need to be is one way to demonstrate Christ’s love.

Work with each family to set realistic goals. For example, challenge parents to devote at least 10 minutes weekly to reading the Bible together. That may not seem like much to you, but it’s a start. It’s also more than many families are currently doing.

From there, provide incremental steps to help parents build on the habit.

Celebrate even the smallest wins with families. When there are disappointments, graciously help them get back on track.

Such interaction requires personal relationships. Addressing parents and guardians as a group may work for announcements, but discipleship calls for relational investments.

Each family has different needs and challenges. Make it a point to get acquainted not only with the kids in your group, but also with the people who are raising them.

Customizing strategies is hard work, but it’s far more fruitful than a one-size-fits-all approach.

Purposeful Discipleship

Baseball player and manager Yogi Berra famously quipped, “You’ve got to be very careful if you don’t know where you are going, because you might not get there.”

That’s certainly true of discipleship. Both in the church and at home, discipleship should have a destination in view. It’s important to make sure everyone involved understands the objective.

Some people assume merely teaching about Jesus is enough. Certainly, we want children to understand that Jesus is real, and the Bible is about Him. This knowledge lays a foundation, but it’s not the destination. It’s a launching point.

Discipleship isn’t simply transferring information. The objective is for hearers to do something with that knowledge. Tragically, there are many people who don’t have a saving relationship with Christ despite attending church and hearing about Jesus during childhood.

Each day, parents can help their children understand that living like Jesus isn’t just a topic for church. Kids need to know that their faith is an integral part of daily living.

Conversion, while critically important, isn’t the end goal of discipleship either. Every salvation moment is cause for celebration. Yet it is just the beginning of the discipleship journey.

Jesus called His disciples with the words, “Follow me.” This calling wasn’t for a short time, but for a lifetime (Luke 14:27; John 10:27). The goal of discipleship is for people to become like Jesus (1 Corinthians 11:1).

Our job as KidMin leaders is partnering with parents to help children grow spiritually. While it starts with lessons about Jesus, we ultimately want to see kids living like Christ as the Holy Spirit shapes them into His image (Romans 8:29; Philippians 1:6).

The north star of discipleship is raising kids who “follow God’s example” and “walk in the way of love” (Ephesians 5:1–2). When children’s leaders and parents work together toward that goal, lives will change for eternity.

Ongoing Coaching

With some topics, it might be enough to provide a quick overview and hand over a resource or two. Family discipleship isn’t one of them.

Parents and guardians need ongoing guidance, support, and encouragement as they disciple the children in their care. They need coaching — both as a group and individually.

Point them to God’s good design for family discipleship. Explain that the goal of discipleship is long-term faith. And assure them that it’s OK to start with small steps.

This can happen during a group coaching session. Make the training accessible for those who are unable to attend by recording and posting it online for parents to view at their convenience.

Don’t stop there, though. Provide families with a home discipleship blueprint to follow each week. Create a brief discussion guide based on what you covered during your children’s services.

Include the main Bible passage, a simple question or two, a prayer prompt, and a suggestion for applying this lesson during the week ahead. You might even add an optional worship song and family activity for those who want to take their home discipleship a step further.

Then, come alongside individual families to coach them on how to use that plan, personalize it, and expand it in both scope and frequency.

Offer families a variety of tools, including books, devotionals and podcasts. Provide strategies and tips, such as suggestions for sharing the gospel and leading children to Christ.

Compile as many resources as you can. Families will have their own ideas and styles, which is fine. The goal isn’t for all parents to disciple the same way, but for everyone to be moving toward the same goal — both at home and in church.

As you coach parents, don’t think just in terms of structured family devotionals, as important as those are. The sweet spot of family discipleship is the rest of the week — the normal rhythms of life.

Consider the words of Deuteronomy 6:6–9:

These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.

In a modern context, this might involve praying in the car on the way to school, discussing what the Bible teaches about a particular movie theme, or talking about how to represent Jesus on the soccer field.

Such moments present some of the best discipleship opportunities. Each day, parents can help their children understand that living like Jesus isn’t just a topic for church. Kids need to know that their faith is an integral part of daily living.

When parents and KidMin leaders link arms in discipleship, lessons at home can reinforce what we teach at church, and vice versa.

Family discipleship is possible. As children’s pastors come alongside parents with a supportive posture, clear purpose, and realistic plan, ministry will move beyond the walls of the church.

This article appears in the Fall 2024 issue of Influence magazine.