They are not yet your congregation’s senior adults. Nor are they generally the parents of toddlers. But church members in the middle of these stages have needs, and many of them feel those needs are being overlooked.

Midlife, a period spanning roughly ages 40–65, is a time of transition. Children leave home and enter the adult world. Elderly relatives require care. Retirement planning becomes more urgent.

There can be changes at church as well. Active, faithful attenders who were at the center of congregational life while raising kids often feel invisible as they move into the next season. Some midlife members quietly downshift their involvement in church — or stop attending entirely.

I have been writing about these issues for more than a decade. After hearing the stories of many midlife churchgoers, I decided to conduct a poll. The informal survey asked Christians over 40 whether their church involvement had increased, decreased, or remained the same, and why. More than 500 people responded.

Roughly half the respondents indicated their attendance and involvement had remained steady or increased. Many of them said midlife brought fresh opportunities for growth, ministry, and relationships.

The other half said they had pulled back from significant church involvement or dropped out of church entirely during their middle years.

There were some key themes that surfaced within the latter group. Some said increased caregiving and work responsibilities made it harder to attend worship services. Others cited politics and division in the Church. And many reported feeling there was no longer a place for them in their local congregations.

Those who were disengaging generally expressed a desire for spiritual growth and community. Yet they often felt alone at a time when they desperately needed the love and support of fellow believers.

Church leaders who are sensitive to these realities can meet midlife members where they are and minister to them in ways that will benefit the entire congregation.

Start by getting to know these members and learning about their situations.

Empty Nesters

A significant number of survey respondents told the same story: Most of the programming in their churches focused on families with children under 18. As their kids graduated high school and left home, middle-aged members began feeling like outsiders in their own congregations.

A few empty nesters confessed with some embarrassment they didn’t notice the family emphasis in church while their own households were benefitting from the attention.

Generation X helped fuel the youth-focused culture in many congregations. Now some members of that generation are beginning to feel sidelined as they move beyond their child-rearing years.

Single Adults

A number of survey respondents reminded me attending church alone can be hard. Single congregants often feel as though they are continually pushing their folding chairs up to tables set only for couples and families.

Nearly half (45%) of the adult population in the United States is single, according to the U.S. Census Bureau.

Whether they are single because of divorce, the death of a spouse, or never marrying, single adults at midlife often feel even more acutely the disconnect between family-centric church culture and their own experiences.

Caregivers

I’ve heard numerous painful stories about the difficulties of trying to stay connected to a local church while serving as a caregiver.

Active, faithful attenders who were
at the center of congregational life while raising kids
often feel invisible
as they move into
the next season.

Approximately one-quarter of all U.S. adults provide unpaid care for someone with a long-term illness or disability, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). Many are middle-aged people caring for aging parents, disabled children, or chronically ill spouses.

These responsibilities take a toll on caregivers. The CDC reports unpaid caregivers frequently experience depression, anxiety, declining health, and financial difficulties.

Churches that view caregiving as an extension of their mission have an opportunity to provide ongoing spiritual support to these families. Unfortunately, many caregivers who are unable to attend church in person or participate in  ministry activities feel alone and forgotten.

Midlife Ministry

Of course, the categories above do not cover the full range of experiences of people in their middle years. Some in their 40s, 50s, and even 60s still have preschoolers at home. Others live with adult children who have returned to the nest. Still others are raising grandchildren.

Regardless of their circumstances, people need the continued support of a local church during their middle years and beyond.

Worshipping, learning, praying, serving, and giving should be lifelong practices for believers. Yet keeping members of all ages engaged in the life of the church requires care, insight, and intentionality.

Changing a church’s culture to become more welcoming and inclusive of all people begins with dialogue. Talk with middle-aged congregants who are still attending. If possible, have conversations with those who have left your church as well.

How are middle-aged members who remain active in the church using their gifts? What practices and programs are nurturing their maturity as followers of Jesus in this stage of their lives?

For those who have decreased their level of involvement, are there ways the congregation can better support and encourage them?

Although it might be uncomfortable talking with those who have stopped attending, such interaction can provide valuable perspective, as well as opportunities to reconnect. What challenges are they facing that the church might be overlooking?

These conversations may spark programming ideas. Age-specific programs aren’t always the best answer, however. Consider these ideas for including midlife members in the life of the church:

• Offer small groups and classes focusing on issues that concern — but aren’t necessarily exclusive to — people in midlife. Examples include retirement planning, purpose, vocation, caregiving, and prodigal adult children.
• Encourage mentoring relationships between mature Christians and new believers.
• Organize intergenerational serving opportunities, such as church work events, community service projects, and short-term missions trips.
• Provide support groups for caregivers and those walking through divorce or bereavement.
• Plan fun, unstructured fellowship events where people can build relationships.
• Include people of all ages on the worship team and in other areas of high visibility.

We live in a culture that glorifies youth and resists growing older. Sadly, that attitude sometimes creeps into the Church.

Psalm 92:12–15 paints a different picture of aging:

The righteous will flourish like a palm tree,
they will grow like a cedar of Lebanon;
planted in the house of the LORD,
they will flourish in the courts of our God.
They will still bear fruit in old age,
they will stay fresh and green,
proclaiming, “The LORD is upright;
he is my Rock, and there is no wickedness in him.”

This is the story the Church can model as we nurture spiritual maturity in all our members, whether they are young, old, or somewhere in the middle.

This article appears in the Winter 2023 issue of Influence magazine.