Last night, more than 300,000 children went to bed without saying goodnight to their biological parents.

Some children spend years in the foster care system — moving from one placement to the next — before being adopted or reunited with their biological parents.

Regardless of the circumstances, it is a traumatic experience. These kids desperately need the support of a loving community.

Many Christians serve as foster parents, often bringing the children in their care to church. This represents an important ministry opportunity.

Of course, interacting with these families requires sensitivity and understanding. As a foster and adoptive parent, children’s pastor, and former social worker, there are several things I tell KidMin leaders.

Identify Triggers

Most foster children have experienced abuse and neglect. When these painful memories resurface, they can activate fight, flight or freeze responses.

This might manifest as physical aggression, throwing toys, cowering in a corner, or trying to leave the room.

Take the time to learn what triggers these responses. Common triggers include loud noises, physical touch, and separation from a caregiver. Others can be harder to pinpoint.

Consider keeping a journal, recording what took place immediately before the child went into fight, flight or freeze mode; which behaviors he or she exhibited; and what happened next.

This can reveal patterns you hadn’t noticed before, making it easier to pivot and avoid problems in the future.

During my time as a social worker, I encountered a foster child who became severely triggered by the smell of cookies baking.

The foster parents initially thought the child was trying to ruin outings, special events and holidays. It wasn’t until they started keeping a behavior journal that the concerned couple discovered the issue.

Simply switching to a different treat, or a prepackaged version, eliminated this child’s aggressive and destructive outbursts.

Provide Security

Security for foster children can be a complex issue.

Unfortunately, there have been cases where noncustodial parents kidnapped their own children or lashed out violently against caregivers.

Safe check-in and check-out procedures for all children are essential. The same person should drop off and pick up a child and must have a tag matching the child’s sticker.

This helps avoid problems not only with foster children, but also with kids whose parents are divorced.

Train children’s workers regarding what to do if there is an intruder. A clear plan — along with safety measures, such as locking doors to children’s areas and classrooms — can save lives.

Develop and communicate policies and procedures for reporting abuse. At a minimum, inform all children’s ministry workers and volunteers about the responsibility of mandated reporting, and provide information about the state’s child abuse and neglect hotline.

Avoid Assumptions

While most children’s curriculums are becoming more inclusive, it is important not to make assumptions regarding a child’s family, living situation, or life experiences.

For example, a discussion about fathers can leave some children feeling left out. Instead, you might ask kids to think of a Christian man or helpful grownup they know.

Through consistent presentations of the gospel, the Spirit convicts the hearts of children — even those with deep wounds and broken spirits.

Choose words carefully. Most children in foster care have at least one parent who has been incarcerated or arrested. Referring to criminals as “bad guys” can trigger shame, embarrassment, or confusion in these kids.

Also keep in mind that foster children might have missed out on some common life experiences, such as eating turkey at Thanksgiving, taking a vacation, receiving an Easter basket, or blowing out candles on a birthday cake.

Instead of assuming everyone in the room has experienced such things, ask open-ended questions. Invite children to talk about how they spend holidays or describe what makes them feel happy.

This gives every child an opportunity to participate in the discussion rather than feeling excluded.

Finally, provide clear instructions regarding expectations for each activity. Foster children or unchurched newcomers might not know what it means to give an offering or participate in praise and worship. They might be unaware that they are supposed to bow their heads and close their eyes during prayer.

Providing explanations and guidance for the entire group aids understanding, builds confidence, and encourages engagement.

Build Relationships

Most foster children have a history of unstable and inconsistent relationships.

Loving and valuing these kids for who they are will help them learn to trust — and point them to the healing Jesus offers.

Intentionality speaks volumes to children. For kids in foster care especially, adults who are intentional about getting to know them and speaking life into them will make a lasting impression.

Make time before, during, or after each service to give foster children the most precious gift of all: your time.

Asking kids about the best part of their week or discussing a topic that interests them will begin laying a foundation for strong, healthy relationships.

Share the Gospel

For over a year, I worried about whether a foster child who had been attending our children’s church was understanding the weekly lessons I shared.

The boy never gave the impression that he cared about — or even listened to — what I had to say. My heart ached for this child as I considered how much he needed the transformative power of the gospel in his life.

Unable to sit in a chair for more than two minutes, the boy darted from one place to another. His quick, rigid movements hinted that he experienced high levels of anxiety when around the larger group of children.

So each week, I allowed this child to play with small toys, blocks, or crayons in a corner of the room, away from the others. This gave him an opportunity to hear the lesson, as well as the freedom to move around and regulate himself as needed.

Then one day, as we were playing a game, this foster child not only recited the books of the Bible in order, but he also quoted the memory verse we had been working on that month.

Tears welled in my eyes as I heard him deliver a perfect recitation of Deuteronomy 6:5: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.”

The boy beamed with pride as he finished. In that moment, I felt the Holy Spirit impressing on me that it was not my job to make the seeds of the gospel grow, but just to sow them.

Through consistent presentations of the gospel, the Spirit convicts the hearts of children — even those with deep wounds and broken spirits.

Do everything you can to create a safe, nurturing space for every child each week.

Share the good news, including with those children who are fidgeting, acting out, or seemingly inattentive — perhaps especially with them.

Tell kids Jesus loves them, He sees them, and He has special plans for their lives. You are planting seeds that might just take root and last a lifetime.

This article appears in the Spring 2025 issue of Influence magazine.