It was Father’s Day, and our children’s ministry craft involved making cards for dads. However, 7-year-old Jordan just stood there, fiddling with a glue stick. Finally, I went over to ask whether I could help.

With tears in his eyes, Jordan said quietly, “I don’t have a dad. He’s dead.”

Jordan was new to our church. Until that moment, I didn’t know about the tragic loss his family had experienced only months earlier. This heartbreaking incident made me more aware of the need to think inclusively.

As children’s ministry leaders, we want to be sure kids feel welcome, safe and loved. Our goal is creating spaces where each child can encounter Jesus, regardless of his or her background, home life, or socioeconomic status.

Whether you realize it or not, your kids’ ministry is diverse. Many children attending church don’t come from two-parent Christian homes. Some divide their time between divorced parents with shared custody arrangements. Others live with adults who are not their biological parents.

Kids also have a variety of learning styles. And some have special needs.

Unless we intentionally minister to children as individuals, we will inadvertently exclude some. This could cause them to miss out on a relationship with God.

Jesus was the ultimate includer. He ministered to people from all walks of life, reaching out to many whom society overlooked or marginalized. We should strive to follow His example.

Following are five keys to developing a more inclusive kids’ ministry.

1. Relationships

It’s easy to get so caught up in our ministry routines that there is little room for the people God called us to disciple.

We plan lessons, attend meetings, schedule volunteers, stock supplies, and prepare crafts. But how much time do we spend learning about children’s lives and forming genuine relationships with them and their families?

Ministering to individuals we know nothing about is difficult. Even a doctor usually asks about a patient’s lifestyle and habits before determining a treatment plan.

Discipleship without relationship is like randomly shooting a hundred arrows and hoping one lands on the target. As we get to know the kids we serve, we will become more effective in guiding them toward faith.

The first step is simply being present and available when children enter the room. Take the time to interact with them before the service starts. This will help you earn their trust and may lead to deeper conversations during altar and small group times.

Invest in relationships outside of church as well. For example, invite a family to join you for ice cream. Attend sporting events and school plays. Such gestures can go a long way toward showing kids and families you care.

During these interactions, you will learn the stories of the children in your ministry. This will help you avoid situations that might make them feel excluded.

2. Representation

From the language we use to the posters on our classroom walls, representation matters. Does your ministry reflect the diversity of your congregation and community?

Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal your blind spots and show you how to welcome and reach
all the children in your care.

This certainly includes racial and ethnic diversity, but there are other considerations as well. For example, if the visual for “home” is always a two-story house in the suburbs, it might not be relatable for kids who live in urban apartment complexes.

Similarly, a child whose sole guardian is a grandmother might feel left out during a lesson that references only moms and dads.

Use graphics that show diversity, and make your language as inclusive as possible. Choosing phrases like “the grownups in your lives” instead of always talking about parents is one way to acknowledge kids come from different home environments.

You don’t have to bring every variable into the conversation, but being aware of the different realities represented in the room will make you more sensitive to how included kids feel.

3. Respect

Respecting kids and families enough to safeguard their dignity is part of inclusivity.

Kids master skills at different ages. For example, some learn to read earlier than others. Children in our ministries should never feel excluded or embarrassed because of academic or developmental differences.

You can help put non-readers at ease by making a few simple adjustments. For instance, ask for volunteers to read instead of putting kids on the spot. Offer visuals in place of written materials. And provide space for kids to express themselves verbally or artistically rather than in writing.

Be sensitive to economic differences as well. There may be kids in your ministry whose families cannot afford to purchase Bibles. Consider providing classroom Bibles any child can use during services.

You could also assemble a collection of Bibles and other resources guardians can borrow or keep at no cost. This will help ensure all the families in your ministry have access to tools for discipling children at home.

4. Research

You will likely encounter some situations that are beyond the scope of your knowledge or experience.

We have a 4-year-old non-verbal autistic boy in our church. He is a sweet child who wants to be involved in our children’s ministry. However, he is easily overstimulated and occasionally becomes aggressive. Sometimes our only option is temporarily separating this boy from the other children.

I have read several books about autism and attended conference sessions on working with special needs kids. Although I don’t have professional training in these areas, I have made it a point to learn as much as possible.

Recognizing the child’s parents as a valuable resource, I engaged in conversations with them early on to find out more about their son’s rhythms and what works at home and school.

I also consulted with experts who helped me develop creative strategies. As a result, our staff now has a tool kit of ideas that are specific to this child’s needs.

It has been worth the effort. These steps made it possible for this little boy to continue participating in our kids’ ministry.

5. Reliance on God

Of course, there may be times when answers seem elusive. You want to include everyone, but you don’t always know how to go about it. The Bible encourages us to look to God for wisdom in such moments.

James 1:5 says, “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.”

Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal your blind spots and show you how to welcome and reach all the children in your care.

The more inclusive your ministry becomes, the easier it will be for kids to learn about — and experience — the God who made them and loves them just as they are.

This article appears in the Spring 2023 issue of Influence magazine.