Robbie had a reputation for being … difficult.

From one Sunday to the next, the kindergartner’s mood vacillated between angry and sullen. Robbie resisted every effort leaders made to build a relationship with him.

One Sunday, Robbie acted out repeatedly, wrestling toys from other children and aggressively throwing objects. His Sunday School teacher asked him firmly but kindly to stop, but Robbie refused. When the teacher knelt down to talk with him at eye level, Robbie punched her in the face.

Deciding it was time to talk with a parent, the teacher paged Robbie’s father and waited at the classroom door. When Robbie saw his father coming, he immediately burst into tears and cowered in a corner with his arms over his head.

After the teacher explained why she paged him, Robbie’s father violently grabbed his child by the arm and dragged him down the hall.

Concerned for Robbie’s safety, the teacher left her two helpers in charge of the classroom and followed Robbie and his father all the way out of the building and into the parking lot.

The teacher was horrified to see Robbie’s dad open the rear door of their car, throw Robbie in the back seat, and punch the boy repeatedly.

The teacher raced back into the church to find a security team member. By the time they got back outside, the car was gone. So, church leaders contacted the appropriate government authorities and filed a report.

Would you know what to do in a situation like this? Although this is a hypothetical story, such scenarios are more common than you may realize. In fact, I experienced a similar incident during my time as a children’s pastor.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 1 in 7 children throughout the United States experience child abuse or neglect each year. In 2020, 1,750 American children died as a result of abuse or neglect.

When discipling kids and families, we have a responsibility to protect the children in our ministries.

Signs of Abuse

Knowing the signs can help you spot potential cases of abuse and neglect. The U.S. Child Welfare Information Gateway lists a number of indicators. Based on that information, here are some questions to consider:

• Does a child always seem to be watching for something bad to happen?
• Is the child passive, withdrawn, or overly compliant?
• Have there been sudden changes in the child’s behavior?
• Does the child seem afraid to go home?
• Is the parent’s attitude toward the child frequently angry, harsh, or negative?
• Is the parent dismissive of the child’s problems or inclined to blame most problems on the child?
• Does the parent respond with harsh physical discipline when the child misbehaves?
• When the child and parent are together, do they avoid touching or looking at each other?

It is vital that you become familiar with the signs and symptoms of abuse and develop
a plan for responding appropriately.

Types of Abuse

Abuse may be physical, sexual, or emotional, or a child may suffer from neglect.

A child who is experiencing physical abuse may have unexplained injuries, seek to avoid going home, or seem frightened of other children’s parents.

Meanwhile, a sexually abused child may have difficulty walking or sitting, experience sudden appetite changes, or demonstrate unusual sexual knowledge or behavior.

Emotional abuse can cause a variety of extreme behaviors in a child, from aggression to passivity. An emotionally abused child may seem overly mature or infantile or detached from his or her caregiver.

A child experiencing neglect may hide food to take home, wear inappropriate clothing for the weather, or consistently appear dirty and have a strong body odor.

These signs do not always indicate abuse or neglect, but if you see one or more of them in a child, it is wise to consider the possibility.

Intervention

Intervention starts with paying closer attention to the kids in your classrooms and ministry spaces.

As leaders, it is easy to become so busy with managing a group that we miss signs of distress in individual children. Educate yourself and your volunteers on these topics.

Reporting abuse or neglect is uncharted territory for many children’s workers. However, the potential consequences of looking the other way are far more serious than the personal discomfort of getting involved.

Speaking up is the right course of action, and The General Council’s own policy is to report all reasonable suspicions of child abuse. All states have mandatory reporting laws. And in most states, children’s workers are required by law to report suspected or known abuse.

Work with church leaders to create clear guidelines. Among other things, they should clarify where volunteers should go to report concerns and who is responsible for contacting authorities.

Regularly provide training for volunteers that includes guidance on recognizing signs of abuse and neglect. Teach and provide copies of your response plan to ensure workers know what to do if they see or suspect abuse or neglect.

Additionally, conduct background checks on every potential volunteer seeking to work with minors.

Caring for Kids

I hope you never encounter a case of abuse or neglect among the children in your ministry. But given the statistics and the prevalence of these problems across the country, there is a high likelihood you will.

For this reason, it is vital that you become familiar with the signs and symptoms of abuse and develop a plan for responding appropriately.

It is also imperative that you prioritize the creation of, and coordinate regular training on, ministry policies addressing these issues.

Jesus places a high value on children’s ministry. In Matthew 19:14, Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”

And in Matthew 18:5, Jesus said, “Whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me.”

As children’s leaders, the work we do is close to the heart of God. We must do everything possible to love, minister to, and protect the kids in our care.

If you suspect something, report it, and be the voice for a child who is suffering in silence.

This article appears in the Winter 2023 issue of Influence magazine.