We are hearing more and more in churches today about the importance of a culture of honor. It’s an important quality, and Scripture addresses honor on multiple occasions, whether it’s honoring our parents, our leaders, or one another.

Unfortunately, some people have abused the idea of honor. They’ve used it as a means to manipulate. This can be especially true among leaders who interpret honor as complete agreement and total compliance. However, that’s not the picture Scripture paints of honor.

Healthy honor isn’t about controlling. Instead, it’s about expressing our belief in people and celebrating others. It’s looking for the good in people and then giving voice to their value. True honor is the deliberate choice to use our words and behavior to show respect, esteem, and regard for others without feeling threatened by their success. It’s a willingness to recognize those who have travelled before us, beside us, or after us, and to honor their gifts, sacrifice, and faithfulness. Healthy honor is a two-way street. It’s delivered up and down, and side to side, and it’s expressed through our attitudes and actions.  

One of the most honorable people I know is Pastor Darius Johnston. I served on his staff for several years, and I still consider him my pastor today. He exhibits the most gracious, kind, and loving attitude, and he truly knows how to honor people in the most meaningful ways.

When I see Pastor Darius talking with kids or students, he is always full of joy, positivity, and a contagious cheerfulness. When I see him interacting with the elderly, he is quick to show them respect for the path they’ve blazed before him. And when he talks with people who are broken, hurting, and defeated, he shows the most extraordinary grace.

To each person, his honor expresses belief, appreciation, and compassion. Even if he disagrees with you, he does so in a way that makes you feel respected and valued. After one conversation with Pastor Darius, you leave hopeful and encouraged. It’s who he is. Honor is part of his character.

Honor is something we give, not something we demand.

I’m not sure where Pastor Darius learned to be so honoring, but he might have taken a cue from the apostle Paul. Constrained by a Roman prison, Paul could have easily dismissed the importance of honor. He could have let the fear of being forgotten — or the fear of losing influence — steal his honoring spirit. Instead, Paul honored others and refused to let jealousy get the best of him. In Philippians 2:25–30 he wrote:

But I think it is necessary to send back to you Epaphroditus, my brother, co-worker and fellow soldier, who is also your messenger, whom you sent to take care of my needs. For he longs for all of you and is distressed because you heard he was ill. Indeed he was ill, and almost died. But God had mercy on him, and not on him only but also on me, to spare me sorrow upon sorrow. Therefore I am all the more eager to send him, so that when you see him again you may be glad and I may have less anxiety. So then, welcome him in the Lord with great joy, and honor people like him, because he almost died for the work of Christ. He risked his life to make up for the help you yourselves could not give me (emphases added).

Paul could have easily kept Epaphroditus by his side. Instead, he took three actions to express a spirit of honor.

First, Paul honored Epaphroditus’ wishes. He could have created a case as to why Epaphroditus should stick with him during his time of need. Instead, Paul honored his wishes when he said, “For he longs for all of you … .”

Honorable people take a genuine interest in the hopes and dreams of those around them. Sometimes those hopes and dreams are personal, while other times they’re professional.

When a friend or family member shares with you a personal dream, how do you respond? Do you acknowledge the dream and then cheer them on? Do you express how much you believe in them? Do you offer to help any way you can? Or do you critique, criticize, and crush their dreams? One of the best ways you can show honor is by being a cheerleader for the hopes, dreams, and aspirations of others.

Second, Paul empowered Epaphroditus. He sent him to the Philippian believers. He even said, “I am all the more eager to send him.” Paul didn’t send Epaphroditus because he had to; he sent him because it was time to share Epaphroditus’ gifts.

Good parents recognize that their job is not to raise codependent kids, but rather healthy adults. And good leaders recognize that they do not own people. Instead, they’ve been entrusted with people for a season, and when that season comes to an end, their job is to empower those they lead for their next season.

Finally, Paul encouraged a spirit of honor. He told the Philippians, “Welcome him in the Lord with great joy, and honor people like him.” Epaphroditus had worked hard — even risking his life for the gospel — and Paul wanted him to be welcomed with open arms and honored for his faithful service.

I have to remind myself to acknowledge faithfulness regularly. It’s easy to get tunnel vision when you focus on the task at hand, the never-ending list of responsibilities, and the ever-increasing pressures of leadership. If we’re not careful, we’ll forget to stop and say thank you, celebrate wins, and show honor where honor is due. People work hard, and they should be appreciated for their faithful service.

As leaders, we must guard our hearts against unhealthy and self-serving expressions of honor. Honor is something we give, not something we demand. Paul’s example of honor is a great place to start.