October is national Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Here are eight things you can do to minister the love of Christ to victims of abuse.

1. Be patient and consistent. First Corinthians 13 reminds us that love is patient and never fails. Developing a trusting relationship with someone whose trust has been shattered requires a commitment to both of these virtues.

2. Help them identify and share emotions. Abused individuals often cannot even identify basic emotions, let alone share or process them. Help them honestly share their emotions and feelings with you, friends, safe family members, and God.

3. Let them grieve the losses. This includes, but is not limited to, a loss of innocence, childhood, possibly a marriage, physical functioning, years of productivity, and dreams of what might have been.

We must not leave the wounded at the altar, but minister the healing salve of our Savior’s love.

4. Help them place responsibility for the abuse where it belongs — on the abuser. Survivors usually assume some sense of responsibility for the abuse and need help to relinquish condemnation of themselves.

5. Help them accept responsibility for their responses to the abuse. They are not responsible for the abuse, but they can choose how they respond to the abuse — with either forgiveness or bitterness. You can remind them that forgiveness is a process and takes time. Help them to see that forgiveness is for their sake and is ordained by God.

6. Help them realize they are responsible for pursuing healing and recovery. Educate survivors about how they can expect to be treated. Survivors of abuse may need help in understanding what is typical, customary behavior. Help them move from being past victims and current survivors to victors — living full lives.

7. Be OK with their questions. “Where was God?” and “How could He let this happen to an innocent and vulnerable child?” are common questions survivors need to ask. Avoid pat answers and clichés. Discipline yourself to sit in silence and be with them in their pain. God can handle their questions, hurt and anger. Be comfortable with just saying, “I don’t know.”

8. Remember that healing from abuse is a process. Having an abuse survivor come forward for prayer may be the beginning of the process. However, exposing their past and shameful experiences, without follow-up care, may re-victimize — leaving them feeling vulnerable and emotionally exposed. We must not leave the wounded at the altar, but minister the healing salve of our Savior’s love.

This article originally appeared in, and is adapted from, the Spring 2001 Enrichment Journal.