Relationships are an essential part of leadership. Obviously, you won’t go far if you haven’t developed the ability to foster healthy, long-term relationships in your church and with your team.

However, relationships in our lives are not equal. Some exhibit great trust while others struggle to get off the ground. Some go the distance while others crash and burn shortly after takeoff.

As they grow, healthy relationships usually follow a series of steps. There are catalysts that put each level within reach. Let’s explore each of them.

Level 1: I Feel Safe

A relationship will never get off the ground if each person in that relationship doesn’t feel safe. Therefore, to reach the first level, you must exhibit trustworthy behavior. That’s the first practice of the five levels of relationships.

Author Patrick Lencioni observed, “In the context of building a team, trust is the confidence among team members that their peers’ intentions are good, and that there is no reason to be protective or careful around the group. In essence, teammates must get comfortable being vulnerable with one another.”

Proverbs 11:13 says, “A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy person keeps a secret.”

Without trust, you cannot build a framework to support the relationship. It’s the foundation that makes the other levels possible.

Level 2: I Feel Heard

John Maxwell noted, “The fundamental cause of nearly all communication problems is that people don’t listen to understand; they listen to reply.”

That is true in every relational circle, whether at home, work or among friends.

The obvious skill to ascend to Level 2 is active listening. You can listen to gain information, acquire directions, enjoy music or learn a new skill, but actively listening to understand is the key that fosters deeper relationships.

Active listening engages the ears, the eyes and the heart so you can observe what’s verbally, physically and emotionally being spoken.

Without trust, you cannot build a framework to support the relationship.

Proverbs 18:2 captures the danger of failing to listen to understand: “Fools find no pleasure in understanding but delight in airing their own opinions.” Verse 13 says, “To answer before listening — that is folly and shame.” And Proverbs 17:27 notes that, “The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint, and whoever has understanding is even-tempered.”

Level 3: I Feel Affirmed

The third level of relationships is where people feel affirmed. Charles Schwab once said, “I have yet to find the man, however exalted his station, who did not better work and put forth greater effort under a spirit of approval than under a spirit of criticism.”

Affirmation occurs when we use our words to build, strengthen and release life into others. That’s the practice necessary to climb to this level — speak words of life. Proverbs 12:18 says, “The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” Verse 25 says, “Anxiety weighs down the heart, but a kind word cheers it up.”

As you speak words of life and affirmation into your relationships, they will build confidence, deepen satisfaction, and cultivate stronger morale and engagement.

Level 4: I Feel Valued

We draw out the best in others when we recognize the best and release the best. In other words, we help people feel valued when we recognize the strengths inside them (even if they don’t see these things for themselves), and then we help them release those strengths (by exercising the strengths).

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe said, “Treat a man as he appears to be and you make him worse. But treat a man as if he already were what he potentially could be, and you make him what he should be.”

Making people feel valued begins by seeing the potential inside them and then carefully drawing it out.

That’s the practice at Level 4 — drawing out the best in others. We see it, believe in it and then release it. Proverbs 27:17 describes it like this: “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”

Level 5: I Feel Loved

The highest level of relationships is love. At this level, we are committed to the person, not just their performance. We practice unconditional love. Proverbs 17:17 speaks of this love: “A friend loves at all times.”

Proverbs 18:24 says, “One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”

At which level are you in your closest relationships? How do your fellow team members feel?

Regardless of where you are today, you can climb to a new level by practicing trustworthy behavior, actively listening, speaking words of life, drawing out the best in others, and loving unconditionally.