If marriage is the business of the church, then our churches need tools to help couples strengthen their marriages.

A wife wrote to tell me her story of the conflict she had been having with her husband. He was working long hours at the office. One day she happened to be near his office, so she dropped in to talk for a few minutes. Her husband was swamped with answering phones that were ringing off the hook. He barely acknowledged she was there as she waited uncomfortably for about ten minutes, hoping to talk with him. Finally, unable to get his attention to even wave good-bye, she slipped out.

Kathy had gone to her husband's office looking for a simple form of love-his attention and a little conversation. She didn't get it. Previously she would have said, "You're always putting work before me! I never see you anymore. Don't you even care?" Because of a seminar on marriage she and her husband had attended at their church, she knew her old response would not work.  As she drove down the road, she knew she had to make a decision.

But then God started reminding her of something she had learned at the conference. She had learned that wives should respect their husbands' desire to work hard and excel. Just as she made the decision to take that kind of stand rather than get angry, her cell phone rang. It was her worried husband. "Kath? I'm sorry . . . The phones were so busy."

"It's okay," she answered. "I'm not mad! I respect how hard you work, and I'm behind you 100 percent. Because of you, our family has all of our needs met. You are an awesome provider. Thank you!"

A marriage conflict was adverted because the church had prepared Kathy ahead of time with a response. She learned to respect her husband-and her husband learned to love her-through their church's biblical teachings.

Marriage reflects the relationship of Jesus and His church. In Ephesians 5:21, we read: "Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives be subject to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the Church, His body, and is himself its savior." Just as Christ gave up His life for the Church, so should we submit to each other-give ourselves up for one another.  Paul goes on to describe this union and example as a "profound mystery."  

In other verses of that chapter, Paul pens God's commands that husbands must love their wives and that wives must respect their husbands. Furthermore, the love and respect are to be unconditional.

How each person in a marriage approaches that union becomes a spiritual issue. It's a matter of individual discipleship-each person in a marriage following after God to the best of their ability. Traditionally, church leadership has viewed church attendance, prayer, Bible reading, and some type of accountability as part of discipleship-and mostly leaving marriage to each couple to work through.

Churches can honor the verse in Hebrews 13:4, ESV, that says "Let marriage be held in honor among all," and show that their desire is for every man and woman as a couple to establish a solid foundation for their marriage, become more like Jesus, and live a Spirit-Empowered life in their marriage. A church's mission should be to strengthen couples with a simple effective marriage ministry strategy to build healthy marriages.

Churches can first prepare couples from a biblical perspective to establish a firm foundation, before they say "I do." Research conclusively shows that couples who participate in pre-marriage training are 31 percent less likely to get divorced and experience a higher degree of fulfillment.

Next, churches can strengthen existing marriages. We believe God created marriage to be enjoyable and lasting. To strengthen their relationship and keep marriages strong and vibrant after the honeymoon, intentional discipleship through classes, small groups, and mentoring is vital.

We have built a technique based on three pillars. The first pillar is mediation. Mentors are trained on a biblical method of mediation using the imagery of a baseball diamond. The second pillar is teaching. We created a 17-page Scripture reference guide, based on marriage and family conflict for mentors to use while mentoring. The third pillar is confronting. Mentors are trained how to confront core sin using a tool that is loving, yet firm and effective. This is the best mentoring process available when helping couples in crisis as it is wrapped in the love and respect message from our book.

We can teach married couples to guard what comes out of their mouths, to view their spouse as Jesus would, to trust in the goodwill of their spouse, and to build mutual understanding.

Finally, churches can save marriages that are struggling. For couples who have fallen during difficult times, we want to be equipped to save their marriage by offering hope, healing, and restoration in Christ.

Todd Olthoff, pastor to couples and small groups at Saddleback Church, says, "We are missing a huge piece of the puzzle if we don't do anything to help couples see their marriages as part of their spiritual journeys." Churches can begin to define marriage as a discipleship process, tying the health of the marriage to the health of each spouse spiritually.

As marriages become healthy, children will also begin to experience the benefits of a spiritually healthy mom and dad. Currently, an estimated one fourth of all children in the United States today are being raised by a single parent. Every child deserves the love and support of a loving mother and father in the home. If churches can save and strengthen marriages, then the entire family will benefit.

Husbands and wives who have learned to love and respect each other and have been mentored previously will truly care about other marriages. They empathize with the pain in others' marriages and want to help. Second, they will wish to give back as it has been given to them. Third, they believe God's Word-and have seen it work in their own marriages.

Anyone in church leadership should consider how their church is helping marriages, and create an effective strategy of providing marriage mentors to point married couples toward marriage-strengthening discipleship. Consider investing in lay couples or pastors by taking advantage of opportunities for networking and training, where they can learn to stop divorces in the church, and mentor couples back to healthy marriages.

EMERSON EGGERICHS and his wife Sarah travel the country conducting the Love and Respect marriage conferences. Before launching Love and Respect Ministries, Emerson was senior pastor of Trinity Church in East Lansing, Michigan, for nearly twenty years.

You are invited to the Pastors and Leaders Marriage Mentoring Summit, where you can see the mentoring material, how to install it, and how to build a long-term strategy in strengthening marriages in your church. The Summit is October 26, 2015, with Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, Love and Respect Ministries, and Matt Loehr, Dare To Be Different, along with Roger Gibson, My Healthy Church, and host pastor Rob Ketterling, River Valley Church, 1350 Crossings Boulevard Shakopee, Minnesota. Register today, at loveandrespect.com (1.877.813.7518), or daretobedifferent.com.