I was at the point of no return.

As a young, first-time pastor, I was preaching on a biblical response to offense. Mid-message, I interjected a personal anecdote about a painful incident with a co-worker that happened before I started full-time ministry.

While telling the story, I noticed some of the expressions on people’s faces. They did not look warm and merciful, but shocked and indignant.

In that moment, I wondered whether the congregation would welcome my colleague if she walked through the door of our church. Instead of moving listeners toward forgiveness and grace, it seemed my illustration produced the opposite effect.

Have you ever heard a sermon illustration that made you feel uncomfortable? The speaker may have shared too many details, crossing boundaries of propriety and privacy. Maybe the tone revealed unhealed emotional wounds or relational tension, creating an awkward distraction from the message’s central focus. Perhaps the story raised questions about the integrity of the person in the story or even the preacher.

Personal stories can make for compelling sermon illustrations. But they can also be problematic, especially when the details involve other people. Before sharing a story about someone, consider the following questions.

Is It Edifying?

According to Ephesians 4:12, the purpose of preaching and teaching is “to equip his people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up.”

If preaching is about promoting spiritual growth, it ought to edify listeners. A story should not harm the subject’s reputation, or compromise the speaker’s credibility.

Aristotle taught that storytelling as a rhetorical device can powerfully stir emotions (pathos). However, he acknowledged a story loses its effectiveness if the speaker’s intent and moral purpose (ethos) become compromised.

As ministers, we are responsible for communicating the greatest story of all: “the gospel concerning the glory of the blessed God” (1 Timothy 1:11). Everything we share should draw people closer to Jesus.

Do You Have Permission?

In Biblical Preaching, Haddon W. Robinson said personal stories should be true, presented with humility, and told in such a way as to avoid betraying a confidence.

Pastors hear about many of the victories and challenges church members experience. However, that does not mean we can freely draw on such knowledge for sermon illustrations.

Sharing people’s stories without their consent is a violation of trust. Respect their privacy enough to ask permission before talking about them publicly.

Honor this rule even with your spouse, children, parents, and close friends. No one should have to wonder whether private, embarrassing moments will become punchlines for the next sermon.

If an individual agrees to become part of a sermon, ask about — and honor — any stipulations regarding how and where you may share the story. Does the person prefer to remain anonymous? What details should you withhold?

Be clear about your request. Are you asking to share the story once or multiple times? Will it involve photos or visual illustrations? What is the planned setting (e.g., local church, small group, or larger platform involving a livestream or recording)? Will the testimony appear in written form, such as a blog or newsletter?

Sharing people’s stories without their consent
is a violation of trust. Respect their privacy enough to ask permission before talking about them publicly.

Always obtain permission from parents or guardians if the story involves a minor.

During your sermon, clarify that you are sharing the story with permission. Keep it brief and disclose only what was agreed upon. Don’t embellish the details. Adding speculative commentary diminishes the authenticity. Report the testimony honestly and ethically.

Guard your heart, and watch your tone. Refrain from using sarcasm or casting the person in a negative light. Only share stories that build up both the protagonist and your listeners.

Tell such stories in moderation. As with other kinds of illustrations, overuse reduces their effectiveness.

What Is the Motive?

Think about why you want to share a particular story.

The apostle Paul said, “We speak as those approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel. We are not trying to please people but God, who tests our hearts” (1 Thessalonians 2:4, emphasis added).

When we preach, people will weigh our words, but God will examine our motives. Therefore, we should first cross-examine ourselves to be sure all intentions are honorable.

Ask yourself, Who is the villain, victim and victor in this story? Will it ultimately glorify God?

Be sure you are exalting God and loving your neighbors as yourself. Never build your reputation at the expense of someone else.

Consider the potential ramifications of sharing someone’s story. Will it stir painful emotions or raise follow-up questions that might bring the individual unwanted attention?

Is It Redemptive?

Each part of a sermon should ultimately point people to Jesus. As Paul put it in 2 Corinthians 4:5, “What we preach is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus’ sake” (emphasis added).

A good sermon illustration highlights some aspect of God’s redemptive nature, such as His character, plan or promises. It may begin with another person, but it ends with Jesus.

The goal is not for people to walk away feeling entertained or inspired. Rather, we want to create opportunities for them to encounter the Holy Spirit and experience life transformation.

Stories should not distract or deter from the message’s central focus but enhance it, providing greater clarity through concrete examples. Tie the moral of the story into a specific action step for the listener.

Don’t set up comparisons that cause people to measure their own goodness against another. Rather than encouraging listeners to be more like the person in the story, say something like this: “God helped Michelle demonstrate faithfulness in the midst of adversity. How might God want to develop your faith when you go through trials?”

Keep the focus on God and His redemptive message, while pointing hearers to the next step in their walk with Christ.

Telling stories purposefully and redemptively reinforces the proclamation of the gospel. This is how Jesus used stories during His ministry.

A story can help unbelievers recognize their need for God. As people hear about what the Lord has done in someone else’s life, a spark of faith may begin to grow.

Hearing testimonies can also bring the congregation closer together. In a healthy atmosphere of effective and appropriate storytelling, members will reap the benefits of shared life experiences and genuine community.

Psalm 84:6 says, “When they walk through the Valley of Weeping, it will become a place of refreshing springs. The autumn rains will clothe it with blessings” (NLT).

Testimonies and stories often have a similar effect, turning tears of sorrow into refreshing springs. What was a difficult journey or challenging growing experience for someone during a previous season can bring healing and encouragement to the body of Christ today.

This article appears in the Fall 2023 issue of Influence magazine.